Sunday, October 18, 2009


I'll probably write 2 entries today....

Ya know what I realized? Everyone has a drug. There's no such thing as an anti-drug. To me a drug is something that you rely on (besides yourself or your God) to make you feel better, make you sleep, make you wake up, make you horny, make you dance better.. what have you.

Now sometimes the shit is a 'drug' for real... I know I take 4 pills a day to remain sane. Well, I stopped taking one of 'em... more on how thats going later. Well, I'll just tell yall about what my drugs are.. I've been smoking weed since I was 15 years old. The first time I did was in Monterey Beach California with my dad and his girlfriend at the time (I hit that..  Scandalous!) on the boulcany of a cabin over-looking the beach. Idk who says you don't get high the first time. I was high as a kite! Had the munchies like a mofo and was laying there in the dark sleepy but wide-awake.. I also saw something crawling up the wall.. but I was high so I really wasn't scared... I was just like 'hmmmm, wonder where its going.. '

Anywho.. During my sophomore and junior years of highschool, I became a pothead. I mean, we'd burn one every morning before going in school then burn 2 or 3 more after. (Its interesting how potheads can find each other in a crowd of a thousand.) Well, I kinda grew up and realized that I didn't wanna be high 24/7. Also, my mom was tired of me coming home high and not functioning. It got rough there for a minute yall. So I did stop smoking all together for probably 6-9 months...?

Well, I made another very good pothead friend (we still cool) and we started burning again, but this time around I knew that I couldn't let that shit control me like it had before. My senior year? I did smoke a lot but I was in a leadership position so I did have to stay sober sometimes.

Now... I just recently became an alcoholic.. LOL...

I really didn't start getting pissy drunk until I came to college. I've made some great friends drunk that I never woulda looked at twice sober. LOL... Now, I've drank with my girls and they are always drunk wayy before I am so I might be a heavy-weight but I'm not sure.. my tolerance changes depending on how much I drink.. Last semester when I was drinking to get drunk once a week my tolerance got great.. I remember one night I prolly had 10 shots... Its that scenario where everyone goes and gets pissy drunk then there's no1 to drive home..

Don't be like me, kids. Be better than me.

But alcohol and I have a diff relationship than me and weed... I ALWAYS have a good experience when I'm high... now, alcohol and I don't always get along.. that one good hangover got me. I NEVER wanna feel that way again. Get you a good hangover, you'll be a very strategic drinker. I got wayyy drunk Friday night, I didn't have a hangover AT ALL the next morning. There's a way to get real drunk and not be hungover... Trust. If some1 asks nicely for my ten ways not to get a hangover, I might just post 'em up here..

But I said all that to explore the REASON I've been less than sober all weekend. I go months without smoking or drinking nothing and I'm good... but then there are those moments where its like 'damn, where my drink at' or I need to make a fone call to get my 'breakfast' here.. ya know?

Don't ask why I call weed breakfast.. Its an inside thing and you won't get it. LOL

College is hard, no doubt about that. So I attribute a lot of it to that... But even still I deal with this shit sober for the most part, ya know? I will say that this year I am involved in more stuff on campus and have more responsibilities, meetings, deadlines, and egos to deal with... Seems like now when I let loose its out of necessity and before it was just cause I was a fun-loving muthafucka...

And if I'm going out to the club? I REFUSE to be sober. I won't have a good time if I ain't had a shot of something.... I'm more of a drink/smoke and chill person anyway. I don't be wanting to go to the club with people sweating on me. Talk about a stank-face! Hell, the other night I had to get drunk then smoke somethin to go..

Judge me if you want... I'm just tellin the truth. I don't think I'm an alcoholic or a pothead.. but I ain't gonna be sober if the situation calls for something else ;)


Remember how I asked God to make me stop loving her? I know, the nerve of me to switch to God when I been talking about my drugs.. But He made me so He knows me better than you ;)

Anywho, God ain't took away that LOVE at all, He's even made my heart stretch to her a little more since she's been out of my reach. I wondered why.. but it just seems like for whatever reason, I'm supposed to love her. It makes me angry, sad, and stressed but loving her seems so natural. I mean, romantic relationship or not... I still feel so connected to her feelings.. I'm happy when she's smiling and worried when she's not. I'm also wayy protective over her and she a big girl... ((Neyo was talking about her when he said "She got her own...")) The 'frienship' thing is interesting. I think it'll be easier as we go further into it and have about 3 more heated discussions about "us".

Well, I got 15 minutes to be where I'm supposed to be... Another entry will probably come to a computer near you today ;)

Song of the Day:. "Miss Independent" Neyo


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