Saturday, February 28, 2009
So, around eleven pm.. my roomate and her boyfriend come up in my room. UGH. Now, she's brung this GROWN ASS kidd in my room every weekend since he started going to college this semester. For one, I don't understand if you're going to go to college in a different town, why you gotta come home every fucking weekend.. and if you're a 20-year-old MAN why you got your 18-year-old girlfriend driving you around and shit. Not a good look for the '09... Steve Harvey said it best... the reason men treat us like shit is because our STANDARDS are too low.
If me having standards means I'mma be single... then... I guess I'mma be single. My standards ain't even that bad. If you with me, you have to either be in college, or working your ass off, you can't have no kids, and no parole officer... Is that too much to ask? My thing is, I'm not going to be taking care of someone just because I don't want to be lonely.. the only mofo that i'll be taking care of would have came straight outta me.. literally.. and that ain't happenin for YEARS.
BUT that ain't even the best part of the story... they had sex in the damn study lounge! EW! I just don't understand ladies.. Why do we sacrifice our bodies, integrity, morals and hearts for men (or women) who ain't SHIT? Your pussy ain't golden! An ignant muthafucka is gon be an ignant muthafucka. I don't care how good the pussy is.. YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM!
I'm so frustrated with my people...
Write more later.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
At first I thought alter-egos were kind of lame. It all started when Beyonce introduced us to Sasha a couple of years ago during her role in the Pink Panther. She said that Sasha Feirce was who she turned into when she was on stage. I was like.. "Ugh.. no.. trick, you Beyonce.".. Then when she came out with "Single Ladies" and I saw this Robotic hand, I was real through. I was like B done ran out of material so she's using this Sasha gimick to sell records.
I was wrong.
Now, I don't know Beyonce personally but I kind of understand the alter-ego thing. B's a star. One of the greatest entertainers of my generation. She has a right to have an alter-ego. She's paid her dues. Not to mention, it just makes sense to me. We all have our government names; the people that we are every single day. I'm Carrie.. as I walk around on campus, and smile at people that's who you see. Beyonce (from what I can tell) is a very sweet, humble individual. But Beyonce can't go on stage and perform like Sasha can. B's too humble. I don't kno at what point I understood the alter-ego phenomenon... but now I do.. which leads me to introducing my own..
[coming to the stage....]
Wake up, wake up world!
First let me start off by thanking Carrie for letting me have a little piece of her blog-world. She ain't have to do that. Carrie's a sweet-heart. She be dealing with shit that she doesn't need to but its ok. I guess i'm supposed to tell you about me... Well, it's easy to just say how i'm different from C.. See, I like night-life. I like partying till 6 in the mornin... Carrie's not much of a partier... [[she likes starbucks and shit like that]]. I love tequila. [[Carrie likes weed..]]. I love dancing and I hate techno. Me and C have that in common. I love dancing with beautiful women and feeling they asses.. Carrie just rather talk to 'em.. I'm not much of a talker. I'm a do-er. But yea.. me and Carrie gotta go sing.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Anywho... It's BABA week on campus. It means Body Awareness, Body Appreciation. Just got back from a "Body Groove" session with The Misty Tripoli. It was fun. [www.mistytripoli.com]. Check her out on facebook too. She's a character. Rather sexy if i'm totally honest. She could get it.. and I don't deep in vanilla too often. LOL.
So... hmm what'd I talk about yesterday? Dag.. I feel so unprepared for this blog. Not exactly sure what I want to write about. So many deep thoughts surfaced during the session. For example:
What if we loved ourselves like we wanted someone else to love us?
I mean to me it seems like we base our self-love on someone else. I think thats crazy. Katt Williams was getting somewhere when he said "It's the esteem of your motha-fukin SELF!" Hilarious.. but VERY true. Just because someone treats you less than ideal, doesn't mean thats how you should see yourself because they aren't looking at you through YOUR eyes and vice versa. I think we all need to make up our minds that we love ourselves regardless of how ANYONE treats us.. to include even our closest family members and "friends". My dad treats me like shit. But I'm not going to use that as a crutch my whole life. So many times I see females especially taking out the lack of love they had from their dad on someone. I say ''fuck 'em'' its his loss cause his daughter is the bomb.
Most of my hostility on this subject doesn't come from being the punching bag.. it comes from being the "puncher".. I mean, not that I intentionally treat people bad.. it's just that people always take me through a guilt-trip and it makes me mad. I have 2 public service announcements to make.. Carrie is not capable of feeling guilt very often. You.. whoever you are are NOT Carrie's priority. If you are blessed enough for me to call you a friend, I will TRY to be the best friend I can be.. But at the end of the day it's about Carrie. Yes.. I'm on that Mya status.. "It's all about me.. me.. me.. me.. me"
I'm comfortable in my selfish-ness. I embrace it. No one's going to make Carrie the priority. It ain't in your job discription. The number one person responsible for Carrie's well-being is... you guessed it Carrie. The same goes for you. I don't know why insecure, self-hating people are drawn to me... I'm friggin tired of it, damnit!
"The key to simplicity is being at peace with your complexity."
Karma King coming soon..
Monday, February 23, 2009
So, I was talking to a friend today... actually a young lady I started talking to in December. Lets be honest, I lost interest... fast. She's cool but a little to insecure for me. I need me somebody who looks in the mirror and loves what they see.. inside and out. She just has.. growing to do I guess. I've been with an insecure girl before and she NEEDED me to tell her she was pretty so she'd know she was. To be perfectly honest, thats too big of a responsibility for anybody. I look in the mirror everyday and love what I see. I'm a young, intelligent, confident, black, female college student in America. I'm going against the odds and to put it simply.. I like me. But I'm so digressing right now.
Anywho, back to this girl.. She called herself sort of "asking me for advice" when she was really tryna talk about me. Talking about how she breaks her neck for people and they don't do the same.. told me how when someone isn't giving her the time that she thinks she deserves, she loses interest.. ugh.. this really had me miffed ( i love that word.. ).. I knew that she was definitely talking about me when she said that. First of all, if you have a problem with me.. please keep it all the way 100 and just let me know something I've done has got you feelin salty.. don't tell me in a round about way. We grown, we too old.. keep it real.
Second of all, the thing about that is.. I'mma give you the time I think you deserve, not what YOU think you deserve. I mean.. the nerve of her. Its MY time to give! She ain't my girl and we both know that she's talking to Lord knows how many other people and so am I. (I'm not, but she can think what she wants.. LOL) Not to mention, we have polar opposite schedules. She works at night, I sleep at night. She sleeps during the day, I do this college thang during the day. So.. we always kinda miss each other dig? She always be tryna guilt trip a nigga when I do text and it just frustrates the dickens outta me. I don't text everybody. I don't make an effort with everyone. Why don't she know how priviliged she is that she even gets a "Hello" from me? I don't even call my dad! People are so ungreatful.. I tell ya.
Let me say this. College is very demanding. This is my second semster and I have to work double time just to keep up. I'm workin triple to stay ahead of the game. My education plays second only to my God. I want my degree and I'mma get it! I can't sit around textin a female all day about nothing. A relationship ain't about that.
The idea of a realtionSHIT doesn't appeal to me at this point but if I was in one, whoever I was with would have to be ride or die. I mean, I'm going to be the best girlfriend I can be.. but when I need my space to get my school on, you gonna have to understand that.. Not only understand that but support me. Which brings me to my next point church, Carrie will be single for the rest of her life.
OK, you tired of reading yet?
Karma King coming soon..
Peace & Blessings
Friday, February 20, 2009
Well, I'm a bit hungry. Dunno what I wanna eat. Well, I want pizza but its expensive and I need my meal plan to last me till late April so.. but I will probably order pizza anyway just because.. I like it! LOL
I'll write more later. Love
Saturday, February 14, 2009
So.. It's Valentine's day. I never been a fan of Holidays. But hey, always a fan of chocolate so I ain't complaining to bad. I just feel like if I love you, I'm going to make sure you know everyday of the year. More so by my actions than my words. I feel lathargic. Haven't been taking my medicine... well, I ran out of the depression pill and I have to go into the doctor to get that perscription refilled. UGH! Anywho, I'm so digressing right now. Hope you're not getting bored...
So technically, I don't have a Valentine but I did have a gift delivered to a young lady that I'm kind of interested in. We spent some time together last night for the first time. It was nice. I can kind of tell she likes me.. just from the way she looks at me. But she's kind of playing it off, which is cool because I don't really need someone who wears their heart on their sleeve. Been there, done that. I was a good girl. I only kissed her on her cheek and we breifly held hands. Nice right?
So.. my wisdom tooth is coming in. I don't kno where the hell it thinks its going but hey.. we'll see what happens.
I want to see her tonight, but I'm going to put the ball in her court. Women love control and I always think it should be ladies first. If she wants to see me, she'll text me. If not, she won't and that's cool.
Well(p).. life is fine.. fine as wine.. (5 points if you kno who said that..)
Thursday, February 12, 2009
That being said, I'm a Christian and there is no doubt in my mind that I'm highly favored by God. I'm saved. He made me this way and He loves the sinner, not the sin. With that being said, judge me if you want.. but the judge of the supreme court loves me and He's the only one that can judge...
Now that the ice is broken...
A very attractive young-lady just walked by me... mmmmm.. lol..
Well, time for me to do some more homework.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
My mother had surgery on Monday so I had to go home (Lexington) and take care of her for a couple of days. She's good. I'm going back on Friday.. me and my Valentine <3.>
My little brother hurt is ankle.. got tendonitis. Poor guy. Was crying, haven't seen him cry in years. It upset me very much but he's a soldier. After that ibuprofen, he was good. LOL
So that was just a lil tidbit. Hafta go to spanish class then wal-mart to get the Valentine supplies...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Expressions of love
are vast in the way they can be shown
and easy to be made known
But what instrument do we use…
What notes to play when you wanna hear a
we can start with the heart
since that is love’s creator.
then pluck the strings of the mind
since that’s love’s maker.
But at times I think we get confused
about what instrument can really play a love tune
even though I blow into it and put it in between my lips
you can’t love me with your dick
and even though you strum it with your fingers
and give it a few licks…
I can’t love you with my clit.
So lets use our instruments for the right purpose
so our love will be
Lets use our
hearts & minds for Lovin…
dicks & clits for Fuckin.
Whatchu think? I've only let my bruh and 'madre' read it. Oh yea.. madre's responsible for me moving over to blogspot. I believe this'll be a beautiful friendship.
Well.. that's all.