Hiatus.

Hey yall, I'mma take a little hiatus from blogging *gasp*...

Not for long, less than a week. Thinking I'll be back Monday. Alots gone on the past couple of weeks have been hectic and I just gotta write some things down in a more private avenue. I also need to actually express my feelings with my mouth. Yall understand.

Song of the Day:. "I Gotta Find Peace of Mind" Lauryn Hill

-C

Interracial. Part 2

Hey Lovers and Friends...

I've been marinating on the second part of my Interracial 2 cents.. Wasn't going to write until a white boy responded to my little brothers status in a less than sensitive way. My brother expressed some of his frustration with the way the MAN was treating Obama..The fact of the matter is? White people in America will NEVER be able to fully grasp the 'race' thing. They always conveniently forget that their ancestors DID oppress ours for 200+ years and it STILL affects brown people. Thats what this WHOLE issue is about.

There are many ways that black opression still affects us. For one? White people got money. OLD money. Black people are just now starting to come from money. I came from a little (don't tell nobody..lol) but it started with my grandfather and he had to work his ASS off. He turned NOTHING into something. Two, a white man less qualified than me will get the same job I apply for... I ain't making this up yall, statistics. Three, Even if you have a white parent your ass is still a nigga if your daddy is. (Ask Obama, he's as black as he is white)... Not to mention some niggas STILL don't know they slaves! (Ask Harriet Tubman)... I could go on...

But this ain't about politics... I'm tryna do that for a living, can't have it in my blog..

Last time I talked about the black man-white woman relationship. For a minute or 3, church, I'mma talk about the black woman-white man relationship. Now, remember how I said I felt rather miffed when I saw a happy black man with a white woman? Now, when I see a black woman with a white man? I'm actually pretty proud of the sista.. Why? Cause she's brave. We as black women have such an obligation to black men that no1 would excpect us to get with a white boy that would actually raise some kids we had with him.. God forbid!

Likewise, I always appease myself (when I see a black man with a white woman) by saying "At least she took a way somebody's black-man problem."

A friend of mine married a white man had kids with him. In the words of Dave Chappelle, "They happy as hell"... and a 'brotha' came up to her and said "Niggas are eating pussy now.." Like all the white boy could do for her is perform oral sex on her?! How disrespectful... dunno what the husband said... but I think she said "White men are to.."

I will admit that I do have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to getting with a white man. For one, I can't help but think about how white men raped black women for years and had illegitimate house niggas with 'em. It irks me. I mean to the point where I won't even watch a white man fuck a black woman in a porno... Yall, I wouldn't even watch Lacey get boned by a white boy and yall know I'd give my left arm for Ms. Duvall...

I digress.

On a more personal level, I genuinely liked this white boy.. and he was an authentic white boy to.. (Not like Eminem who had a little chocolate in him,) I mean this dude lived on a farm and everything... We liked each other, had mad chemistry.. but it didn't work out cause his daddy didn't want him with a black woman.... I remember thinking how dumb that was. Daddy didn't even know me.. the fact I was black just ruined it for me! Something I had no control over? He made his son lose a GREAT catch... I mean look at me! LOL

Also, seems like black women are still a forbidden fruit to white men... (Ask Thomas Jefferson) but the few times I've actually got with a particularly brave white boy, his ass DEVOURED me like he'd been waiting for the chocolate... and I'm not just talking sexual cause I wouldn't liken myself to a candy bar. Please.

Lets back up.. Its interesting how angry black men get when they see you with a white man. I have a white male friend.. We've been friends since kindergarten, no joke. This past summer we hadn't seen each other in years and we went to the mall together. Now, he's a very affectionate guy and so am I.. We were standing in the middle of the mall and he was holding my hands up above my head and I was looking up at him talking.. I guess the shit looked romantic.. This black guy walks by and looks like he wants to head-butt me. My boy noticed to and was like 'what was that all about'... I told him that it was a long story...

Brothas are quick to 'leave yo ass for a white girl' then feel some type of way when they see you with her brother.. I mean damn.. Whats a sista supposed to do?

Nothing but double standards, yall. Sistas get crucified for some vanilla and its a status symbol for a black man.

I wish I understood why... This society is rather patriarchal and men do have a lot more advantages? Maybe white girls suck dick more? They prolly let yall do anal don't they? I shall never.
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I've been taking a very heterosexual approach to this and yall know I'm not so heterosexual... But from my experiences in the gay world, black people don't get mad at me when I'm with a white girl.. I guess once your ass is gay it doesn't matter? My mom sho did tell me not to bring a white girl to eat none of her food when I told her I liked the company of women.... I'm sure she told my bro the same thing... Personally, I've had mediocre or bad experiences with all the white women I've dated... and I don't blame it on them being white... but that doesn't mean I'll ever get with another white girl...

To me there's nothing like a black woman. In the words of Will Smith? I'd plant one and grow a whole field of yall... There's a confidence a black woman has that just appeals to me.... Never met a white girl with it.. Ever. Its her shoulders, her thighs, her hands, the way she tastes... whooo.. yall just dunno what a black women does to me!!

I think that'll suffice. I sho wish somebody would comment a niggas blog. Its tellin' me I get mad hits.. But the comments don't reflect that. If you readin? Lemme know!

I ♥ HeartBreaker.

-C

short n not so sweet...

Whats up yall? A nigga is getting sick. I'm the worse sick person ever. Yall remember when I got laryngitis and got my mommy to come get me? LOL, I'mma try to do better this time if it gets bad... but I'mma try to nip it in the bud. I have no time to be sick. I'm not good at sitting down and just resting. Thats probably why I'm sick in the first place. I don't get to sleep till like 3am... I gots ta do better.

I'm watching Family Guy. I freaking love this show. It took me awhile to get into it. Idk at what point I did... probably the days of skipping school with my boys back when we were kids.. LOL Family Guy is sooooooooo offensive to many groups but its hilarious. I can't help but laugh. Don't judge me. Their humor is so mature. Its a cartoon, but it ain't for kids! But me and my son will watch it together.. lol

Saw the small heartbreaker last night. I was so happy. I love kids. The conversations she has with her mom are the same that I had with mine. She reminds me so much of me when I was 6. Smart as hell, very aware of people's emotions and a free spirit just like her mommy. I love to see them interact. Can't wait to have one of my own.. Not anytime soon tho, I'm wayy to selfish for that.. lol

So there's this white boy in my music class that gives me the eye hard. Idk why he won't just come talk to me. People say that I'm hard to approach. I don't get it. I think I'm pretty open to people, conversation and things of the like.. but maybe not? I've heard I'm intimidating from many people... I get that vibe to. Sorry? LOL

Well, I'm not following the doctors orders by sitting at this computer. The women in my life told me to lay down. I reckon I will. Ugh.

Song of the Day:. "Ego" Beyonce & Kanye

-C

Menz and many digressions.

I'm listening to Diddy's "Come to Me." I think he was still going by P. Diddy when this song came out...  Idk why but I like Diddy. Can he rap? No. Can he produce? Hell No... But he's cocky as hell and reminds me of myself a little. Plus, he can dress his ass off. He can also buy anyone that has something to say about him.

Anyway... I'm pushing fast-forward now.. doesn't take me long to get over a Diddy track. Now listening to Biggie's Juicy. Yall, I can NOT describe the feeling this song gives me. Makes me fall in love with hip-hop everytime I hear it..

"Girls used to diss me, now they write letters cause they miss me..."

Ok, let me get out of music review mode. I was writing a reveiw for the negro paper on campus. I really don't like it, but I've gotten A's off of papers that I don't like so it ain't about me. Haven't wrote for a newspaper in a minute. I'm rusty. But its among my favorite genres of writing..
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Church, today I came to write about men.. More specifically why the fuck they so needy.. I don't know what it is about having a penis that makes you want to have every woman's titty in your mouth. Every single man in my life has "worried" the SHIT out of me at one time or another. Men do shit like call you every 2 seconds and don't leave a message... accuse you of being with whoever they're threatened by.. and listing every single 'wrong' thing you've done to them in 5 minutes.

If you've read my shit before, you know that 1 I don't like guilt-trips and 2, I never feel guilty. Idk what it is but my guilt gland must be broke or that chromosome might have paired with the wrong amino acid.. a nigga doesn't get guilty. Maybe its because I analyze my actions so much I don't give myself a chance to feel guilty... Or maybe like my ex says.. I can't ever be wrong...

I digress.

And it isn't all a man's fault, ladies. Yall know I'm quick to call yall out. I've learned that a man will treat you how ever you LET him. If he truly 'loves' you or whatever he'll treat you however he needs to in order to keep you around. Women, there's something about having a uterus that makes us want to take care of men and boys. Now, there's one gene that I DID get whether I want to admit to it or not. My mother says I have 2 of 'em. She might be right. I'm pretty frustrated with some menz in my life right now..... But for some reason its hard for me to voice it. Don't get me wrong, I do. But a nigga sure does know how to look all sad and shit when you shut him down. Now, with men it only lasts for 5 minutes (cause he's gonna want something in a minute) but its hard nonetheless.

And for the record, I'm not talking about romantic relationships. Personally, I'm talking about friendships, cousins, brothers, and my dad.

There's a mars, venus thing that has been going on for eons. I mean, between Adam and Eve, Zues and Juno, Henry the 8th and his 6 wives... Ok, Henry's a bad example... But you feel what I'm saying? Will it EVER be cured?

I think what we need to understand is that men and women are different. I might make a feminist mad... but we're not the same as men and personally, I don't want to be treated like one. I don't want to be treated any less but there are things that because I'm a woman I can't do. We need to understand that we think differently. Women think with their hearts, men think with their penises. We're both wrong cause our brains are for that... But I think once we realize that we will ALWAYS be different just because of estrogen and testosterone levels, we'll be ok.

Men, learn how to appease a woman. Kiss her on the forehead. It works. Trust me. My pops did it to my mom, My uncle did it to his sisters and My brother does it to me. Tricks me everytime.

Women, learn how to appease a man. Its waayyy easier than appeasing us. Suck is dick, make him a sandwhich, get him some Jordans... It works. And yes, I've done all 3! haaaaaaaaaaa

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Yall, I'm in the library and I'm not sure what exactly is going on but well-dressed big booty black women keep walking by and smiling at me. I want to follow them and see where they going.. But.. well yea, nevermind. I want an entry that doesn't mention her!! Impossible.

Since I've already failed.. let me tell yall what "HeartBreaker" did today.. I puppy dog face her via text message talking about I wanna see her (Don't judge me) so she comes over looking SCRUPTIOUS.. the sun was shining on her shoulders and shitt... I swear if I had some sperm, I'd shoot that shit on her eggs so fast.. Yall, I've never wanted to be able to get a woman pregnant before.. a little boy with her cheeks and my eyes? I'd be nooooo good, he'd get whatever the hell he wanted out of me and have the BEST Bobbi Brownzzz ever.

I digress...

She pulled 2 stunts.. She kissed me with some lip gloss on.. She knows how I feel about lip gloss. It ain't nothin but sticky estrogen and it makes my lips gooey! And she got some on my cheek! Stunt #2? She's rockin my scarf like its hers and I don't even notice!

I'm WANT to shout-out a very special reader... but she won't let me.

Song of the Day:. "Come Close" Common (reminds me of you... we gonna sit on the floor and listen to it..)

-C

The Dance. alternitively titled: MY NUTS!

Hey yall. TGIF.

Sharing wisdom is among my favorite things to do and I'm bout to share some.

Whenever you're with a woman, its always a test.. Always.

Couple of weeks ago I asked Heartbreaker if she'd go to the end of Pride Week dance with me on campus. Now like I've told yall before. She told me that I wasn't 'in prison'. Thats what I like about her... she's confident. All I wanna do is dance. In the past, girls would be sooo mad at a nigga... But where does the test come in? I'm not stupid, there are some things that Heartbreaker don't play... and if I woulda gone in there being a man-whore? I'm sure I woulda got the Bobbi Brownz and much more.

Its all about respect, yall.

I will admit that even though I had studied for this test, I was a bit nervous when I got in there because of the fact that I had some skeletons in the room. LOL. Everyone behaved for the most part. Except for this one girl.. we'll call her "YoungBuck". Yall ever seen that movie "High School High"? That's exactly what she did to me. See, earlier in the day she facebooked me and asked if I'd save her a dance.. and of course my nice dumb-ass said yes.

But when we got on the dancefloor? Her ass was so far up on me, my NUTS couldn't breath! and to top it off, she kept grabbing my boobs (every1 did tonite matta fact, i'm getting a reduction) and my hands to put them in places. Like my "social-justice's" man says "I'se Married" I can't be impregnating people on the dance floor anymore. You want my woman to serve me with divorce papers? But my Heartbreaker, always the cool one of course remarked about it but quickly reminded me that it didn't affect her.

I can't explain how flattering it is that she's not jealous BUT she still protective of hers... I need that balance. We see alot of things the same way and its kind of unspoken.

Its interesting how women wait till you get some1 and then wanna put your NUTS in they mouth. Me and "YoungBuck" was on some platonic shit before she saw Heartbreaker. I mean, platonic like the one-armed hug and my white girl that I dated last semester? Would have never rubbed her vag on me if I came to the dance unescorted. Women are interesting. Yall almost wanna make me change my major to psychology. But the fact still remains.

I don't like people.

That shall have to suffice for the night. This officially begins my weekend of being light-weight lazy. A nigga ain't slept in (for pleasure) all week.

Song of the Day:. "Murder She Wrote" -Trey Songz (HB, listen to that please... matta fact, I'll put it on ya playlist.)

-C

A bit of an Issue..

Yall, I need some relationship advice. One of my priorities is that my girl's always comfortable around me and idk if I'm doing a good enough job. I'm trying not to give too much detail away because today I realized that way more people are reading my shit than I know. I wish a muthafucka would comment but that'd delete the purpose of being sneaky.. lol

My girl's confident, but private. So she doesn't want everyone to know about us or her sexuality for that matter. I feel bad cause I'm talking for her. ((But hey, she be iight.)) We've had some conversations about this matter. I love it cause she's always honest with me and after a little pulling, she tells me how she's feeling. (I really 'preciate that.)

The issue is when we're walking around on campus I'm kind of affectionate towards her and she doesn't ACT like it makes her uncomfortable but she always brings it to my attention later.

Women are a trip. (I can say that because I AM one.)

She be tellin' me and then be like "but its ok..." and it just confuses me. AND the hard-cheeked nigga don't ACT like it bothers her at the time. I don't know if I should keep a 3 feet distance from her at all times or what?

Not to mention that I don't really want to know my other girlfriends and boyfriends on campus that I'm married.. hehehe...

She'd disagree but I'm a private person as well. I don't want everyone all in mines. I don't want to be known as HeartBreaker's girlfriend and she don't wanna be known as The Kidd's main-squeeze. What I like is that we both have our seperate lives and she's "like a bird" a true free spirit and I don't want to take that away. So I might re-evaluate how I act when we're on the yard.

Good talk, yall. LOL

New Subject.........

I really feel humbled when I find that people read and enjoy my blog. BUT I just want them to read and have 7 laughs.. Not read then text me and ask about my life..  (I'm not talking about you Shawn.. you good, babe. ) I keep saying this... I'm not a big deal and some people make me feel like they about to "Obsessed" my ass.

Please believe "Heartbreaker" don't play that...

Entries Coming Soon:. "The forehead kiss", "Stunts", and "Interracial Part 2"

Sorry to cut it short but I have an exam in the morning. Waiting on my roomies and her friends to go to the club so I can get this studyin finished and get my sleep on.

Song of the Day:. "Phone Sex" Trina

-C

So... are you a stud or a femme? [Part 3] & The transparent closet.

I'd like to apologize for that last emo, lite-weight suicidal entry.. BUT..

I don't apologize.

I'm feeling much better today. Still a bit burdened, but God ain't gonna put it on me if I can't take it.

The event I referred to yesterday was E. Patrick Johnson's one man show called "Pouring Tea: Black Gay Men of the South Tell Their Tales".. It was great. I got to spend some time with him and I felt so humbled to get the opportunity. Yall gotta check out his book called "Sweet Tea". I'll post a link and vid later.

I got this opportunity because I'm on the eBoard of a new group on my campus that's goal is to empower black LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans) people. I've realized that this movemment is wayy bigger than me. We didn't even realize how much it was needed and we really didn't realize how much it was wanted. I'm so proud, so humbled to be an advocate for brown girls and boys like me.

My mother didn't really know what it was. See, she knows about my sexuality but after I told her, we never talked about it again and she's kind of in denial about it, I think. She knows that I have a LOT of gay friends, frequent gay clubs but I think she hopes that I'm just a fag hag. LOL I kind of want to tell her that I really am gay now, cause I was 14 when I told her and maybe she thinks it could've been a phase.

But at the same time, my mom's not stupid. She met Heartbreaker a couple of weeks ago (BIG deal, cause no woman has EVER met my mother if she didn't kno her previously) and we was both blushin' and smilin' and shit and she keeps asking questions about her so she's probably tryna work it in. You know how black women are, they never ask directly at first then just hit your ass. I'm ready and I'mma tell her the truth. I've lied about other girls. But not this time for many reasons.

I also have a cousin that I'm real close to that I haven't told. I've always wondered about her myself, but she's always talking about guys. That could be a cover-up. I want to tell her, because one I think she'd be cool about it.. and two if she is then she might feel more comfortable in her skin, she's older than me but I've always had the influence over those in my generation 'cause I'm the wild child.. lol. So, I've been trying to tell her for the past couple of nights... I'm mad nervous yall.

Here I am tryna be an advocate and skerred about tellin' my mommy and my cousin. LOL

New Subject.. Kind of.

So yesterday the eBoard kinda had to get spiffy right? I had on some heels and my friends girl (the same girl that had an issue with my french pedi) had a problem with my heels! Idk why she wants me to be a 'stud' so bad. I think its because she's attracted to me and she stuck in that stud/femme bullshit and she ain't never liked anyone liteweight feminine? Cause a nigga is feminine BUT I still have that swag and if she wasn't my friends girl? and I spit game? Bet I could get her.

I talk like this cause I can back it up. LOL

I'm listenin to Jill Scott.. (making my lady's playlist.. she always tryna get me for my scarves, chapstick, gum and music).. She so nasty. Yall gotta listen to Jill's words. In her song Epiphany? She saying that she don't mind it from the back.. LOL

Love it.

Song of the Day:. "Crown Royal" Jill Scott.

I'm not done with the Interracial issue. We'll come back to it, Church. Put a pen in it.

I miss my small Heartbreaker :(

-C

Rain.

Hey.. Lemme tell yall where my head's at..

An hour or so I go, I'm walking back from an AMAYZNG event (more on that next entry) and its raining. It ain't monsooning, or sprinkling.. just a steady rain. For the sake of this metaphor, the rain symbolizes problems for me right? (Bare with me please.. ) So I'm spiffy, walking to my dorm in the rain and its weird because for whatever reason, I don't feel like I'm getting wet. Like you know how you walk in the rain real fast with your head down till you can get in a dry place? Naw, I was just walking with the same limp I always do.. iPod in my ears and everything.

I felt that I wasn't getting wet because every burden that the rain could put on me was already sitting on my back. In a sense, I walked into the rain and was already (metaphorically) soaking wet. It was weird having that conversation with myself... There's a number of problems I'm feeling that way..

Alotta times, our bodies try to tell us shit and we don't listen. For instance, I've been getting nauseated at diff times of the day, I get physically drained at the easiest of tasks.. like walking to the fucking elevator.. and my nerves have been jumping off the wall.. and my hands are shaking so bad that I can hardly type..  You know what my body's telling me?

"Nigga, sit your ass down somewhere and eat a pineapple."

And either I'll pass out at the worse time and place... Or I'll listen to what my body's telling me. But like Jesse Spano says.. "There's just no time!"

And if it was JUST my body outta wack? It'd be ok, but my mind isn't at ease either. Its this college thang.. All this extra shit I'm doing AND academia? Naw bruh.. I can hear my uncle tellin' me now.. "Buttons, you can't do everything.." Gosh, I hated hearing that shit.. cause it was true.. I'm overwhelmed. I ain't talked to my mom on the fone cause she'll hear it in my voice and be worried.. but damn I miss her. I'mma call her in the morning regardless. Thats my favorite girl....

I'mma just clean my room, set my alarm for something unreasonable and study for this damn exam I have in the morning.

Woooosahhhh..

I don't cry..

This is one of those moments I might have to get in the shower and let the tears fall down the drain...

Song of the Day:. "Anxiety" BEP

Hey Heartbreaker <3...
-C

Interraical.

I realize that my blog is getting real 'fonsworth farrakhan'-ish.. and i'm not talking like Chris Brown's bow tie.. I'm talking a nigga don't just tell you how her day went anymore. I always gotta talk about some deep shit. Well guess what?

This entry proves no different.

Church, today I'm going to be talking about interracial relationships. Primarly, the black man-white woman.. my personal favorite.

"For a nigga that refers to relationships as relationshiTs.. you sure do talk about 'em a lot.. ".. I know muthafucka, maybe my perception is changing... <--- yes that was me talking to myself. It was Karma talking to Carrie..

Anywho.. I'm sitting with my dude "Social-Justice" in the SAC, an hour or so ago. We get our over-priced fast food and sit-down... I notice a table where two black guys are sitting with two white girls.. So I ask him, what attracts black men to white girls.. Granted he's the wrong nigga to ask 'cause he's anything but typical from many aspects.. but he's still a black man and he still has a black penis so he'll have to work for now..

It sparks an interesting conversation.. A friend of mine (don't have a nick name for her yet) comes up and offers her two-cents. I don't ask black women this question because they all say the same thing and its always with a neck roll... LOL, but she provided some good insight. I always need a heterosexual, black female perspective. For some reason its profound to me.

My question is why do black women seem to have a bigger obligation to black men than black men do to their women? Typically black men (and women) are raised by their mothers, aunts, grandmommas, and older sisters. A lotta times daddy isn't in the picture... So shouldn't their veiw of black women be good?

And like I said, daddy usually ain't around (mine wasn't) so shouldn't my perception of black men be worse than it is? Gay or not, there's some kind of obligation I have to black men that I can't explain.  The fact of the matter is, in order for me to get the chocolate, dread-head babies I want, I gotta get some brown sperm and it aint' just for the kids either. Trust, its the sex appeal as well. Its the D! LOL The power, swagg, goatees, shoulders, sex appeal, lips, hairlines and many other things of black men gets to me. I won't even front.

I'll go as far to say that I wish I could impregnate a woman.. but I can't. Which is probably good cause I'd probably have 10 kids by now.. call me what you want. I'm honest.

I digress.

I will admit that everytime I see a black man looking all happy and in love and shit with a white woman, there's a twinge of anger I feel. It has lessened because on of my favorite black men in particular has gone over to the otherside. But I'd still rather see my boy with a sista. If my little brother ever brings home a white girl? I'll stand on a chair and slap his tall ass.

Why do I feel this way? Sometimes as a black person in America, I feel like white people got everything! Can we have something? As Katt Williams says, "selfish mothafuckas!" (Can we just have one president?! DAMN! Look at your history books! LoL..)  I really wish I could give a deeper answer than that.. I could, but it'd be fake.

I asked my hetero-girl why she wouldn't just get with a white boy? She simply says she doesn't find them sexually attractive... Hell, I don't either. They can be cute. But I've never seen a white penis that I would jump on.. and I've seen MANY a black one... Come to think of it, I've never seen a white one in person.. hmm..

This is just my little shpill..

At the end of the day? I say fall in love with your 'package' whether they black, white or yellow. Be with 'em because you in love and they like you for who you are. Don't get with a basic-bitch cause your mom wants ya girl to be able to use your comb.. and don't get with a Ike Turner cause ya daddy will freak out. Real Talk.

Do what the fuck you wanna do. But a nigga still reserves the right to analyze your ass ;) You can analyze mine to... just don't let me find out.

Song of the Day:. hmmm.. let me pick up my iPod.. "Behold a Lady" Andre 3000 inspired a note I left in somebody's iPhone today.

Ubuntu!

-C

PS:. I wrote this entry after 4 blunts and a redbull... so if I forgot to use the space button or spelled some shit wrong? Thats why. A nigga is smart for real..

Scatter-Brained

Ok, so lately I've been having symptoms... but I don't feel sick? Like, I've been nauseous the last couple of days... I haven't had an appetite since I've been to school.. and a nigga be sweating and hot for no reason! Yall, I'm not good at being sick. I don't want to expose anyone to that side of me. I got laryngitis last semester and my sick 'grown' ass called my momma and told her to come get me... Well, I was on a breathing machine so I texted her.. LOL Whatever was in that machine was niiiiice cause I felt so woozy.

I digress..

I told my mother that I was pregnant. She laughed. I told my girl that I was pregnant. She laughed to! I mean, can I not get no dick? I'd hate to have to jump on some and show yall! Naw, I'll continue to be a good girl. 6 months strong! (Hey Delana! be proud!)

Anywho, I feel fat and ugly today. I know I'm not. But.. ugh.

I'm watching the Emmy's. Neil Patrick Harris is hosting. I love people with 3 names. Wish I didn't have a hyphen. Ask all my friends with 3 names, I call them by all 3 of 'em.

I'm really contemplating 'coming out' to my cousin. I know she'll be cool regardless. We're really close and I can talk to her about anything. I'm sooo nervous.

This is a random entry.. bare with me, church. I'm about to wrap it up.

Yall this rain and Raphael Saadiq is making me feel some type of way. I'm about to write a poem.

I miss my package. I might call her and leave her something ignant on her voicemail...

Alrighty, if I have inspiration I'll write again.. chyea

God is good. I'm not.

-C

New to this?

I reckon I should be working on my study guides right now.. but I can't get into it. Plus, I did put a dent in one of them today. A nigga just wants to chill on Saturday night and have a drink. I'm entitled to that right? Man, I be beating myself up for real...

After the Cardinals fucked up today, I watched the Secret Life of Bees. I had never seen it before today. Yall, beautiful movie. Queen Latifah, Jennifer Hudson, and Alicia Keys are examples of TRUE double-threats. Alicia had me feelin' some type of way and I don't even like 'em light.. who am I kiddin.. Long as there's booty involed, you can be purple! LOL

Call me whatchu want.. I'm honest.

I really need to clean up my room, thats why I'm feelin' stank. Shits just cluttered.

So how about my dad got in a car accident last week and didn't tell me? That ole dreadlocked-nigga.... I hate him soooo much cause I'm just like him. He don't tell nobody SHIT! Its ok tho. I'm only mad cause I miss him. I'mma daddy's girl. Don't judge me. If some of my friends and lovers met him, they'd understand why I am  how I am. Cause people meet my mom and are confused. For one, she gotta DONK and I have no ass... ugh, makes me so mad... and she's a bit high-strung and I'm pretty laid-back.. Like I don't get miffed about nothin.. and when I do get miffed I withdraw even more. My mom freaks THEE hell out.

So I'm just on the fone with Heartbreaker... she says "Am I your girl now?" I say "Yea." and she says.. "But I didn't say I was your girl.." and I say "I did." She says.. "OK.".. LoL.. I think I handled that pretty well... Yall, I'm new to this romance, relationship, emotion thang.. I'm trying to show my feelings yall, I really am. Sometimes I dunno if I'm doin' it right..

I'm sure she'll give a bobbi brownzz when she reads previous paragraph. As I tell her often "you be iight"

Oh, the definition of Bobbi Brownzz is basically a stank-face. Whitney's husband Bobby Brown be twistin' up his face so I guess HB made that up. One day told me she was giving me Bobbi Brownzz like I was 'posed to know what the hell that meant.

Ok, so my husband.. Hmm what can his nickname be... "Mohawk"

"Mohawk" texts me today and says that "Asshole" (my ex) told him to tell me hi. I kindly reply "What does that have to do with my life?" I mean really.. the nerve of her to try to move back in good and through my sperm? Negative. Honestly, I'm over the situation. The sadness is def gone.. a niggas heart is not broke over her anymore... But on the same token, I don't want to be her friend, I don't want to have anything to do with her.

(Damn, and my other ex just fbooked me.. its ok tho.. we still friends...)

In the past I've tried to be everyone's friend. I'm done with that theory. You gotta be selective of the people you surround yourself with. Even when me and her were involved, a lot of my friends told me in so many ways that I was not using my standards correctly.. (they were broken yall due to a number of factors)... Am I an asshole for being less than nice? I'm really just trying to put one foot in front of the other. Bringing her back in my life would cause a 10 step decrease cause it'd bring back old shit. Not to mention I TRIED to be friends after we broke up and she always had a mouthful of my nuts.. Sorry to be graphic but I just gotta get the point accross ;)

In the words of my Barbadiosian queen.. "CAN I LIVE?!"

So let me discuss the song of the day.. "Oh na na" by Lil Jon... Yall last night this song was so accurate to my lfie and I'm ashamed. I wish I could give yall some deep India. Arie shit... but not this time.. If you haven't heard it, the chorus is.. "Oh na na na na I'm so horny and I want you to fuck me.." I was feeling some type of way.. I'm not sure what it was... maybe the gin it was sipping on, maybe the D'Angelo tracks I had playing.. or maybe the left over hormones in the room (my roomie tells me she did the grown up the other night).. Maybe the fact I hadn't seen my scrumptdiliuptious all day... Whooooo.. I *think* I'm ok now...

Alright, listening to Prince. Somebody bring me some movies to watch and something to drink cause we definitley killed it all last night..

-C

So... are you a stud or a femme? [Part2] and Interracial thangs...

Can we say TGIF?
College has truly made me excited for the weekend.

LOL @ my roomate on the fone with her mother..

Speaking of which.. my roomate and her 'friend' (more on that fiasco later) say "Carrie, could you come to this side of the room for a minute?" this morning.. So in my  head I'm thinking 'this'll be good'... So I proceed to go over there and they offer me a spot on the bed.. I never say no to getting in the bed with females, yall. I ain't stupid.. but as "Black-Panther" says "I'se married" (Hey bebe..)

So they proceed to ask me all these questions about "The Life".. The gay one yall. They ask "So what constitutes females having sex?" then my answer to that sparks more questions.. then they tell me how they were speculating about which one I would be in my relationship.. They say that I'd probably be the girl cause I keep my hair nice and my toes done... but then they said "We saw your girl and got confused cause she pretty to.." And yall, my girl is fiyyyyyahhh... When I'm with her, mostly guys give me jealous looks... OK, I digress cause I get hot and bothered bout her fine chocolate self...

Anywho, it was a potentially interesting conversation that got cut short cause I had to go to class.. they looked so interested and like they had been preparing these questions for years... They said they were 'new to this' so maybe they trying to go over to the rainbow.. yall I don't wanna be responsible for no more initially hetero girls sexuality.. I have a long list of people, I've brought the gayness out of..

 "I walk like this 'cause I can back it up.." (And thats the LAST time Beyonce will EVER get quoted in my blog.. lol)

Ok, new subject..

In my anthropology class there's this guy that sits in front of me. We haven't really said anything to each other besides "hey.." but since we're among the only black faces in the class we always acknowlege each other.. well, I noticed that recently this white girl has been sitting next to him. Now, this girl is obviously on his testicles hard.. and its obvious that he's not really feeling her.. The interesting thing is that she keeps looking back at me with this smug look like she's really doing something.. and HE keeps looking back at me like he's embarassed.

Joys of being a black woman...

Its all very interesting to me. He doesn't want me to think he's ''sold out'' and got a white girl and she wants me to be mad that she 'took' one of my men. As my roomate says..  "I could give to fucks" about neither one of 'em. I'd prolly give dude some play on a nice day.. just cause I'mma sucker for dred-heads... But he's a little on the short side.. I need a man I can climb... lol..

So yea, I'm excited glad its Friday, I'm just drank a full throtle and I'm listening to Bustah Rhymes.. meaning I'm feeling crunk for NO reason.. LOL

Shout-outs to my fbook stalker.. Remember the Latina that wanted to get my nickname for her tatted on her and I was feelin mad uncomfortable about that? Yea, she still does. I'm not a big deal, yall. I'm really not.. I'm just me and insecure people would stop treating me like somebody's celebrity..

Song of the Day:. "Everything I am" -Kanye West

-The Kidd

So... are you a stud or a femme?

Its interesting how people like to put you in a category in order for themselves to be comfortable. I'm sure I'm guilty of it.. At the moment I can't think of an example... But I'll go 'head and blame myself to up my credibility ;)

So ever since I 'came out of the closet'.. such a white term as "sophisticated-social-justice" would say.. People have always asked about what category I'm in.. and I mean, for the whole 5 years I've been in these shoes... and I've NEVER been able to answer that question.

The category I mean is like... for white pople, lipstick lesbians or butches.. and for black people femmes or studs.. feel me? Lipsticks and Femmes are the more feminine and submissive.. Butches and Studs are the more masucline and dominant.

Its interesting to me that the gay community wants to be so liberated from heterosexual society but they constantly put themselves in 'man and woman' categories. What is this? Leave it to Beaver? Can 2 women be together and both have PMS? Can 2 men be together and both rock timbs?  (LOL... I'm ignant.. I know..)

Its also interesting how hetereosexual realationships don't even necessarily follow these rules. I observe plenty of people and how they play roles. When my mother was married? My dad ironed and dressed me... (The nigga taught me how to put on panty hose) and my mom made all the mulah and handled the money.. Granted she has an accounting degree.. but isn't it all a matter of circumstance?

People always asking a nigga "Carrie, are you a stud or a femme?" Or when I'm in a relationship.. I get "So who's the more dominant one?"

I hate these 2 questions and I'm sure I've given many a stank face or as we call it bobbi brownzzz to some1 for asking..

First of all, in refrence to my relationship question? Its really none of your business.. [[cause I know what you really asking.. ]] and if you have to ASK if I'm a stud or a femme, there's obviously a grey area that I exsist in.

Society has never ran me.

Personally, I think we're slaves to all these lables. Maybe because I still haven't found the lable to peel off and put on my forehead.. specially when it comes to sexuality. I guess if you looked at me you might lean towards the masculine side... but as "Tat" pointed out.. I do have french tips on my toes so there goes the stud lable.. I have a secret love for heels.. and I like girl underwear.. but I hate skirts and make-up. So.. there goes the femme lable.

As my "President" says "She's just [insert my government]"

All I can be is C. Willy, yall. I'm sorry that I can't be a 'girl' sorry I can't be a 'boi'. Well, I'm not really sorry but I was just looking for some dramatic affect (or effect?). LoL

In my past same-sex relationships, the girls always tried to be extra feminine so I'd just naturally be extra boyish cause I like everyone to feel comfortable.. My last girlfriend? She'd HATE when I had a 'feminine moment'.. when it'd be that time of the month and them cramps would bring me to my knees? She wouldn't know how to handle that shit.. I mean, I'd be in the bed in the fetal position and she'd be trying to make me feel guilty somehow... Looking back on it, she had some issues with her sexuality because she wanted me to fit this masculine mold that was impossible because of my uterus.. So, you'd think she was straight? But she'd... well, I don't wanna get graphic.. but the bitch wasn't straight.. LOL

My girlfriend before that? She was into the black gay world's 'stud-femme' phenomena.. I think its bullshit but she also treated me like a man and it made me sooo uncomfortable... She even called me 'papi' one time. I guess it was supposed to turn me on.. but typing it just now made me nauseous and light-headed.... Whoooo.. Idk why that shit irks my life.

So I've been in chill-mode for awhile.. Up until now? I had no romantic involvement in the '09. I knew it was time for me to look in the mirror and figure out who I was.. I have.. and the result? I'm Carrie.. its a full time job.. like I keep on saying!

For me personally, its all about balance yall. I'm not super masculine or feminine... I need someone who's going to let me be who I am in that moment.. Sometimes I want to kiss you on the forehead and smooth out them frustrated lines in ya face ('cause a nigga be worried) .... and sometimes I wanna bury my face between ya shoulder blades and absorb the pheremones. I need both. Is that too much to ask?

I'm an affectionate loving muthafucka when I wanna be. Everyone gets the forhead kiss from me... Someone remind me to do a blog about the forhead kiss.. cause that thang is a phenomenon yall.. But Its only to the people I love. I'm not going to waste my love on a basic-bitch who ain't worth it. Thats why plenty of people get the dueces...

I'm not an asshole.. just a good actress...

Wellp.. if this blog doesn't make sense to you? Sorry. But I'm not sober and I'm on auto-piolot cause I only sleep when I have time to.

Song of the Day:. "Trading Places" Usher

-C

No, I really don't like people. For Real.

Yall, when I say "I don't like people in general" I really mean that thang..

It all started last night at the negro convention council of presidents meeting. BB said it best, too many egos at the table. I don't know why we use EVERYTHING but our mouths to talk... I don't respond well to people talking with egos. Cause I talk with my mouth. Believe me, I had the biggest ego in the room but I had it under control.

I know I was probably sitting there with a stank-face. I'm tired of meetings anyway. All we fucking do is meet about shit. We don't DO enough. Meetings are necessary.. but damn. Yall should see all this shit in my planner I have to go to. I want to be involved in stuff ya know.. you get out of what you put into. I believe that. But clearly. Dealing with uppity negros and niggas?Naw.

Plus within my OWN group there's noooo communication. For one there's personal issues that are a million years old that need to go head and die. Two, everyone gotta feel so damn important. I appreciate whatever it is that has made me realize that the cause is more important than my image.

Liberation, yall. That's all I want.
Some niggas don't know they slaves. Ask Harriet Tubman.

I bought a print of when Ali knocked out Sonny Liston in the first round. Thats motivation yall.

In Who Gives a Shit News... Kanye's drunk ass totally cut off Taylor Swift when she was getting her award at the VMA's. Yall.. Fuckery. If you know you act a fool while you drunk, why go up in there anyway? I know how I get when I'm drunk.. thats why I do it in the privacy of my own home... Whoo.. yall keep setting black people back. Serena's ass done threatened to shove the ball down the officials throat. Let her muscular ass be mad at me.. I'd cry. Hell, I cry every time I watch her play anyway. The ass yall... Rediculous!

Song of the Day:. "My name is Victory" Jonathan Nelson.

-C

Dangerous?

This is one of those times that I come to blog with no particular topic.

Dangerous.

Last time that happend, I wrote an entry about wacking off. I think thats kinda funny tho. Swear I dunno why some stuff is so taboo. Everything has a time and place, true. But yall already know how I feel about not being able to talk like I want so... it doesn't make you go blind.. promise. I can see.

Whoo, let me pause, I'm listening to Nikki Ross and this run she did made my eye lashes hot.. Clawd... Talent gets me exctied. haha..

Anywho.. You know what I noticed today? White people can operate like there's no one else in the world.. I'm not even talking like no deep shit either.. I'm talking like pulling out of a driveway and not looking to see if there's pedestrians. I can't imagine not being aware of other people. I know how we all feel about stereotypes but hear me out.. I've been in Walgreens in line and a white man just stepped in front of me like I wasn't even there. Like... I know I'm short but am I invisible?! The brotha in front of him told me to get behind me... and then he noticed.. Its just so... bizzare to me.

Honestly, sometimes I just want to be like "I fucking hate white people"... but we are all a result of our circumstances. We are slaves to the social, yall... I think we all need to be a little more open-minded... and realize that if the shit wasn't true on some level, it wouldn't be a stereotype.

and why is fbook mobile sendin me shit while I'm signed on?!

Ok yall.. I have to go babysit some grown as people so I'mma wrap it up. Plus a nigga's entries been hella long.. Thats what happens when you don't talk much.. you get to ya blog and go crazy!

Song of the Day:. "No Woman, No Cry" Bob Marley

ShoutOut to Bobbi Brownzz (the artist formerly known as HeartBreaker) for man-handling me today.

-C

Hair: My soapbox and my Loc Story.

Yall, I'm on here troubleshooting with the IT girl tryna get internet access on my PC. It needs to happen, cause I'm tired of walking downstairs. She's helping me out.. Big Ups to IT.. yall be fucking up tho.. Its ok.

So, I came to blog about hair... But yall already know how a nigga has a goal and then the blog ends up being totally different (example: previous blog)... so.. don't hold me to it. Oh, and Um.. to be specific.. the hair of black people.. even more specific? black women.. even more.. mine?

I'm on this because this month I've been locking my hair for a year and I've been talking to the women in my fam about hair... We're all natural at this point.. It hasn't always been this way. We've been slaves to the chemical and the hot comb before. So I guess we have both perspectives?

To me, in America it seems that glamour is equated to long flowing blonde hair... The problem is most Negros don't get this coming out of their scalp... AND when they get it put in artificially it looks funny on them. Remember when Venus and Serena has blonde micros for a bit? They black nubian asses looked real funny with straight blonde hair...

Its interesting to me how some of my black sistas still aren't comfortable in their own skin. I people watch a lot. I think its interesting how people develop their own personal styles.. or bite from other people. You can usually tell the diff to. There are so many beautiful black women on campus in a (as I like to say).. fight with their hair..

Now don't get me wrong.. I know my history. It is liberating for us to have a choice. We didn't always have one. The only thing a black woman used to be able to do was do hair or clean up after white people. My grandmother's a certified beautician and instead of going to college, my great-grandmother cleaned at one. Thats why its so important to me to get my voice heard cause the women that made me didn't have the opportunity that I do.

I also don't think that everyone should walk around looking like Angela Davis. I just wish that we would step out of this identity crisis. We are all slowly getting liberated from the 'fight' but we still have a long way to go. Yall already know how I feel about pheremones from black women.. and if they wanna rock it straight? I say go for it. But recognize who you are and respect those of us who don't chose to.

Alright, lemme get off this soap box.. lol

My loc story:

I started my locs a year ago. It wasn't anything deep like rebelling from society.. A nigga just had a lot of hair. LOL. I knew that I was always going to be natural, I didn't particularly like my hair straight, and I wasn't going to get up every morning and burn the shit either. I had always rocked two-stran twists and I dug it so one Saturday when I came home from school to get my hair re-twisted I said to my loctician (mommy) "This is it, lets loc it" and that was that.

Initially, as I said it wasn't too deep for me.. But now I'm a bit attached. I started my locs the same time I started college, the same time I started pre-adulthood and the same time I started the worse relationship of my LIFE. I've grown so much since then. I've always been Carrie, but seeing, feeling and hearing shit changes your perception of things. The length of my locs show how much I've grown since then. I hadn't even realized how much I had grown until my friend sent me a pic of August '08. My hair wasn't even touching my shoulders.. I had a flavor flav "WOOOWWW" moment. LOL

Went through a phase a couple of months ago where I wanted to cut 'em off.. But like I said I'm attached. It was just hot outside and I've always wanted a mohawk with a star on the side (It will happen one day) .. I've never seen my scalp yall, for real. LOL

There was a African-American Street Festival in my hometown and my aunt and I were walking down the street checking out the vendors and this guy who had locs complimented mine and asked if he could touch them then we shared our loc stories.. It was a cute moment, us standing in the street touching each other's hair. His were flyyyy...

If my kids end up being fully-black.. lol (Its shaky at this point, yall) They're getting locs.. My daughter will NEVER have to go through what I went through as far as the chemical burning or the hot comb getting ya ears.. Whoo, I just had a flashback!

Shout-Out to this cutie sitting next to me. He's getting his flirt on hard.. I must be cute cause I def look a mess... my head's tied up and I have on some sweats or somethin'...

Oh..and Shout-Out to Bobbi Brownzz (the artist formerly known as HeartBreaker) for pulling a massive stunt then going to sleep! Ha!! Yall, I dig her too hard. I'm as good as gone. UGH!

Oh, I'll talk about the VMA's (breifly) tomorrow, MTV fuckery doesn't get a whole entry.

Song of the Day:. "So Amazing" Tye Tribbett

-"Lil C"

Identity

I rarely name an entry before I write it.. But I already have the name for this one.

Identity.

In my short time on earth, I've always liked to think I knew who the fuck I was better than my peers. People my age have always seemed so goofy to me. Always. As early as kindergarten... I didnt understand what the fuck was so hard about letters... LOL

Since I've been to college and gotten involved in some thangs, I've realized that identity problems aren't necessairly (sp?) how we see ourselves.. but its how other people perceive us.

Society.

Its so hard to be who you are when society gives a totally different image of your prototype. People like to put you in a group, in a safe little jar in a specific cabinet.

Just beause I'm a black woman, I must have to have an attitude all the time.
Just because I'm a female I gotta wear heels.
Just because I'm gay, I have to like every single girl I see... basic bitch or not.

Yall, I've never fit in ANYWHERE and its hard when everyone else seems to. Its human nature to want to have a group you belong to right?

This entry's a long time coming... I've been thinking about this for awhile..

I'm apart of alot of different groups on campus.. The 3 categories of groups?

The black folk
The church folk
The gay folk

and I'm find myself frustrated with all 3...

The black folk dont start on time.
The church folk do EVERYTHING but what they supposed to be doing.
The gay folk... all they do is talk about what sex position they like..

You'd think I'd quit everything? I don't think thats the solution, cause if I quit, then I won't have a chance to change it. Everyone would still be doing basic-bitch shit.. If I believed these people were basic-bitches.. I really wouldn't be sitting through all these meetings.. I just believe our actions are a little misguided.. Even mine.

I think this entry really sucks.. LOL... Its so scattered...

But anyway.. I say all this because at times its hard to be who I am when I'm not always down for what the crowd is doing. I'm gay, but I dont feel the need to come out of the closet to everybody. I'm in a position on campus where everyone pretty much knows.. I ain't mad about it.. I just dont want everyone up in mine. Sometimes I wanna get a boyfriend for surface-normalcy (and the D).

Also, people wear they sexualities on their sleeves and think that just because they where rainbow belts and hold hands with their partner on campus that they're working towards some liberation. I think its bullshit and I dont wanna be associated with them... but there goes them categories again..

I'm black, but I think Rage Against the Machine is one of the best bands ever.. I like skateboarding (shh.. dont tell nobody.. lol) and sushi. But some of my black friends would look at me like 'nigga what'?

I'm Christian and I love God whole-heartedly. But I'm not going to be quoting scripture every 5 minutes and having everyone in hell...

Whooo...

I just wanna be myself.. But myself is some1 a whole bunch of ignant mothafuckas gotta problem with..

I'm not exactly sure where to end this entry.. or what I'm trying to accomplish.. LOL

Anywho, I get much respect for being me. I've met some cool people who were like me and didn
t necessairly fit into the black and white areas that society tries to conform us to. Being Carrie, C. Willy and Lil C is a FULL time job. I refuse to be anything else. It just gets hard sometimes..

"You know its hard out here for a pimp..." lol

I think the next entry will be more organized?

-Lil C

"This Basic-Bitch..."

OK.. now yall know words are among my favorite things to play with... So I use my own personal lingo and sometimes don't exactly explain the definition of my words.. Kind of like Bajans (love you Kendi and Kalida! LOL)

In my last entry my favorite reader made me realize that I should explain exactly what a "Basic-Bitch" is..

Now I've tried to eliminate the B word from my every day language. Especially in every-day language and in refrence to females who don't deserve it. ((It all started when I heard my step-father use the B word in reference to my mother.. Different story for a different day.. Lets just say I drove accross town in record time and had to be held-back.. ))

Now, a "Basic-Bitch" is usually a female who is too simple to be complex. I could almost liken it to being ditzy.. But its different.. because Basic-Bitches usually get their title because of their actions. So in order for me to make you better understand my definition I'm going to list some examples of what a Basic-Bitch would do. Feel free to add.

1.) Go out in public with pajama pants on... A girl just walked by me with Whinnie the Pooh pj's on. I'm in the library on campus. It might be a problem if you grown with cartoon pj's, and it might be an even bigger problem if you think its ok to come to the library like that. I could see if it was pajama day.. but this is reality.

2.) If you have your head tied-up at 2:34 in the afternoon. Black women.. yall know I love yall.. yall's pheremones go straight to my toes... BUT WHYYYY do you have rollers in your head and a scarf on in the afternoon, what exactly are you getting prepared for? Don't you do that at night so you can look good at 2:34? I HATE IT!

3.) If you wear House of Dereon.. I'm sorry Beyonce. I love you, but your shit looks cheap.

4.) If you put the intimate details of your life in your facebook status... Yall know my fbook status changes every 5 minutes.. but its usually something surface.. But If I'm fucking my (hypothetical) girlfriend or taking a shit.. that doesn't need to go in my status..

5.) If you trying to play with my boobies while your girlfriends in the room. (This happened to me 2 weeks ago yall).. A girl that I used to date last semester was trying to feel me up and her girl was 2 feet away.. Now, if in YOUR relationship its ok for you to feel on other people's nipples cool... BUT its not cool for me. There's nothing basic about me.. and one you don't feel me up in public.. 2, you don't feel me up if you ain't hittin this.. 3, you don't feel me up if you have a girlfriend.. I'm sorry, even I have morals..

6.) If you grown and put an I in condom.. and read the word 'error' like 'eyore' Both true stories.. I don't make stuff up yall..

7.) If you're a woman and you have tattoos like 50 cent. Yall, that is just so out of order to me... I'm tatted up twice but I like to think they're feminine and in good taste.

Ok, 7 seems sufficient for right now. The list will get added to as long as I keep living. I see basic-shit all the time. Just as long as yall know what I mean when I say what I say ;)

--------------------------

My song of the day is "The Light" by Common. I was a lad but I remember like yesterday when this song came out. It was so interesting to me to see somebody rappin' about love and not shootin' somebody and they cat... The song also is beginning to have new meaning for me. Its so hard for me to verbalize how I'm feeling at times and songs kinda help.. I'mma give yall 3 lines..

"If Heaven had a height? You would be that tall..."

"It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine..." <--- it only took the first time you smiled at me..

"My hearts dictionary defines you.." <--- and that somes up the "much more"

Who am I talking about? Wouldn't you like to know... If you don't know, you ain't supposed to.. Trust, I'm a control freak and you know what I want you to ;)

-The KIDD!!!!

Fuckery.

Hey babies..

Yall know a nigga gets frustrated about people's fuckery. Today as I was leaving my last class of the day, I a text from my friend telling me to 'come to the multipurpose room' because him and some other friends were chilling in there. Stank face #1. People need to really think about their wording... cause you sound like an ass just tellin' me to come somewhere.. So I asked which multi-purpose room ause I'm on a campus where every building has a room for multiple purposes.. LOL

He tells me, but I proceed to do what the fuck I was doing... It was obviously a crime cause he got real miffed. Goddess-forbid I have an agenda of my own or friends besides him! I had already made plans the previous day to meet up with "My Mo" right after class and then chill with my girls after that.... So I really didn't feel the need to squeeze him into my agenda when 1, HE DIDN'T WANT SHIT... and 2, I needed to go to my room to get a book and urinate..

A nigga can't even pee without some1 having a problem.

So by the time I make my way accross 3rd to campus I get a text that says "What the hell? I thought you were coming this way"... Stank Face #2, I never SAID that I was coming to meet you, I ACTED like I was interested in where you were because your ego is so fragile and grown men pouting isn't cute..

So then I go get a frosty cause this Kentucky Heat had my locs sweating, yall. LOL and him and his partner in crime start 'chain-calling' me. I get a call from him, then her, then private, then him and then her... I HATE when people blow up my fone and don't want shit... I mean, it could be an emergency.. but in that case call 911.. because I'm not even certified in CPR...

Plus they know I'm a certified 'texter' and I never answer my phone...

So then my girls make me walk back through the SAC.. (An entry about my weakness for pretty girls and their smiles later..) and we run into these 2 fuck-faces that have been blowing me up... Yall, I been working on trying to express myself without the attitude and I did pretty good today. Don't know exactly what I said but I basically told them that I never SAID that I was coming and that I don't HAVE to answer my fone just cause they were blowing me up...

They tried to take me through a guilt trip, I didn't get on the train.

Proceeded to spend the afternoon with "Vintage", "Heartbreaker" and the little one... "Heartbreaker" doesn't like her nickname anymore. I have to come up with another.. I don't use governments.

My back hurts...

Lemme tell yall a funny story. Someone ever say something to you and it sound REAL DUMB.. and you make a stank face and they get mad..

Yall this basic-bitch said that she didn't know how to spell condom... and she said that she put an "I" in it and then got mad at the group of people for looking at her like she was a basic-bitch.. I mean, I can see if you spell endoplasmic reticulum wrong.. or even philosophy... but not condom... sound it out.. I mean shit.. how do you make it to college and not know how to SPELL condom? and where the fuck would you put an "I".. icondom.. is the I silent? condiom.. no.. that ads and extra I.. yall.. Fuckey at its best.

But she already had 2 strikes against her before she said that so...

Past couple of days I been feeling kinda weird... no appeitite and can't sleep.. and sleeping and eating is like top 5 things I love to do... Who the hell knows why it aint happenin... I hope I can get some 'get-carrie's-sanity-time' back this weekend when I go home, I'm not even taking my books back to the 859..

Well, this is kinda long.. So.. PEACE!

Song of the Day:. "Knocks you Down" -Keri Hilson.. when love knocks you down, get your ass back up.. LOL

-C

The bestie...

Ok.. so yall know I be tryna share my wisdom whenever I can. I don't profess to know more about anything than anyone.. Somethings just work for me and some don't.

I initially got inspired when I was watching Hitch the other day. In the movie "Hitch" told his client that its very important to get in good with your woman's best friend and a light-bulb kind of went off in my head when he said that. Initially, I thought about myself. If some1 wants to get with me, they have to get along with my peoples.. cause if you don't, then that pretty much eliminates you coming around them and 70% of the time I want to be with my friends anyway. Just keeping it real...

Plus, you gotta have boo-time and friend-time so one won't feel like they're being put on the backburner for the other... Yall know I like to multi-task so its best if my (hypothetical) boo and my friends are around each other at the same time so I can maximize "me" time. BUT I can't make every1 happy and I stopped trying.

Plus, your friends are VERY possessive of you and feel threatened when you get a love-interest anyway.. [My friends are soooooooooo mad at me, right now. LOL]

But then it worked for me in the previous entry. It helped that "Vintage" was actually cool. I was mad nervous that I wouldn't get along with her and that I'd have to fake. Thank God I don't. Cause yall know how I feel about faking....

So my tip of the day? Get in good with the bestie BEFORE you get in good with the boo... It works. Trust.

Song of the Day:. "Lady" by D'Angelo, my boyfriend.

-C

Heartbreaker you got the best of me...

So there's this girl... *blush* lol

I don't drop governments cause I am a hot comodity (sp?) and I do have stalkers. Shout-outs to my stalkers.. get a life. We're gonna call her "Heartbreaker".. [[I'll tell yall the back story last night of how we started conversing but I just don't feel like it right now]]. I'mma tell yall about our date last night.

She came and got me with her friend who also has the same gov't. Which I think is too cute.. We'll call her 'Vintage'. So I get in the car and I can't see what either one of them have on until we get to the cafe. Yall.... they get out the car... they both have on these short ass dresses.. and I have what I like to call a 'nigga' moment.. In my head I was like 'daaaaayuuuum'. I THINK I played it cool but I'm not sure.. I know that it took me a minute to get out of the car when I saw 'Heartbreaker's legs.

Clearly, I thought Dec2 had come soon. (My birthday) 2 BEAUTIFUL women coming to scoop me... I hope 'heartbreaker' dont roll her eyes when she sees i'm talking about her dope friend.. well hell.. she ain't blind. LOL


We shared some hookah, some drinks.. I had a nice little buzz going on. Ya kno the type of buzz where you're just chillin'? Yea, that type. The whole time I really wanted to hold 'Heartbreaker's hand but I was afraid to.. Glad I finally did..

Then we went to the Waterfront.. yall.. thats baby making territory. I'm just saying. If you in my city and you take somebody down there.. As my boy would say.. 'Bring a condom'. LOL.. all 3 of us sat by the water. It was nice. I told her stuff that I NEVER thought I would hip her to.. (Blame it on the a a a a ) but the alcohol was not helping my nervous-ness any! Man, I realy never get like this around a woman.. She's testing my gangsta.. LOL

Wellp, waiting on them to come scoop me now.

More later ;)

Song of the day:. "Talk to her" India.Arie

-C