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The burden of a bisexual.

I don't really like to put a label on my sexuality... but for the sake of time and where I'm going with this, We'll call myself 'bisexual' today. I don't like it because there are many connotations to the word that just don't fit me. I never really said to myself 'hey, i like girls and boys'.... I never really made a decision about my sexuality.. It just was. I'm forced to address it because it doesn't meet the status quo. At times I wish I never woulda said anything, but the respect I get for being myself far outweighs any burden I may have. Also, I've helped many people come to terms with their own selves and it saves lives.. I know it saved mine.

Anywho, what I came to talk about was some of the stuff I've experienced because I'm "bisexual"...

Example 1: The Side Dip
For whatever reason, older women always do this to me.. I don't mean older like 40... I just mean older like 7 or 8 years my senior. Old enough to be my peer in some situations but still probably too old to be romantic with me. I entertain them anyway. Why? Well... hey... if you saw them you'd understand.

These women have boyfriends or in some cases husbands. Sometimes they hit me with the 'we're in an open relationship' speech or just straight up tell me they don't want hubby to know about me. Now, iIve been in a situation where the female told me that her dude was ok with her having 'girlfriends' and I really liked her so I lowered my standards to get next to her. Turned out to be the worse heartbreak of my life. Do I wanna talk about it? No.

The thing about it is, these women are probably closeted lesbians who have boyfriends 'cause... well for whatever reason... and want me to fufill their lesbian fix on the side.. Well, I'm not cut out for the side dip. Its funny 'cause when I let 'em know they kinda get upset

Translation:. "Why aren't you ok with me disrespecting you?"

One girl even told me I had issues with MY sexuality... She was the one with a mad boyfriend and a mad girlfriend... and I got issues.

The thing about open relationships is.. they aren't relationships at all. If you decide to be in a relationship with someone, then be in a relationship with someone. If you aren't satisfied, don't call it open. You're only wasting your time. Someone will get hurt, someone will get jealous, humans are programmed to be in pairs. Someone will be neglected, someone will be the third wheel. Everyone will end up alone.

Example 2: The Threesome
Yall already know where I'm going with this. I get asked to be apart of 3somes often. More and more lately for some reason... Its funny 'cause either the man or woman approaches me at first and it never fails always asks if i'm "JUST into girls.." I always smirk and tell the truth "Naw... I like boys too... " Then they try to ease their mate into the conversation. I entertain well, for entertainment. It's usually 2 very unattractive people that I wouldn't touch with your fingers...

I'm all about sexual liberation. Can't say that I haven't been in a menage a trois or two in my day..

But I don't wanna be the bisexual girl fantasy. I have too much to offer for that... and as I get older, I'm just not down with shit like I used to be...

Example 3: The Pressure not to tell the girl I like boys.. or vice versa. 
On the rare occasion that I do get serious with someone, I always don't wanna tell 'em I'm bisexual. Or whatever... People are insecure.. you know at times you have to cater to their insecurities... But hey, I figure if  you gonna be my dip, you can know I like both right? Its a part of me, granted a (bigger than) small part of me but its a part.

One female hated the fact that I liked guys. She literally wanted me to call myself a lesbian for her to feel better. I told her that if I wasn't satisfied with her, I was going to cheat regardless, even if I put the lesbian sticker on.. #kanyeshrug

Guys, well.. they never really get upset.... But then example 2 comes into play.. and I become 'the mate'

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So, any of my other bisexual readers have that issue? My lesbian friends HATE when I talk about guys... My straight female friends, they don't seem to mind... they probably do, I guess. Hum...

I'm on a 24 hour twitter/fbook fast. So I can't promo this entry... yet.

#nowplaying:. "So Anxious" Genuwine

-CK

Interracial relationships: Why I can't adjust.

In a perfect wonderful world, love would be blind. I really want us to be able to love across gender and color lines. We can, but regardless, it'll be political. Why?

The world is not perfect.

I am not perfect.

That being said. The black man/white female relationship is very political.. regardless of if the two are genuinely in love. Any time a black person dates outside of their race (especially white tho) its political. I dunno how it is with other ethnicities. Wouldn't be surprised if there was controversy involved. The thing I realize the white woman who loves a black man has to deal with is the black females involved in said black male's life. His sisters, cousins, mother, sister, aunts, friends... A black man who's in a relationship with a white woman will always get flack from the black females in his life.. regardless of if she's around or not.

Church, I have two examples then I'mma get outta your way..

Example 1
My cousin (our grandmothers are sisters so we aren't that close) is married to a white woman. Yesterday I saw a spider. Deathly afraid of spiders. I screamed. My mommy killed it for me. We had a funeral for the spider.. Anyway... I put on my fbook that "I screamed like a #whitegirl" at the sight of the spider. My cousin's white wife commented and said "watch it with the white girl jokes.. "

For her sake, I hope she was joking.

The thing is, my cousin was the one who chose to date a white woman. I talk about white people. I can't adjust because of his relationship. Not going to.

Example 2
I just came from seeing "Nightmare on Elm Street" with some homies... I give it 2.5 stars. Friends and I went to waffle house good friend of mine from highschool is "engaged" to this white girl. I again said something about white girls and my friend said.... "Yo.. you can't say that... " Being the asshole I am I raised an eyebrow and said "Why not?"

Like I said, I COULD make an effort to do better.. but the whole defiant black woman mentality gets the best of me. By no means am I jealous. Both white women are fat and unattractive. One guy's my cousin, one's a closet case... But I just don't feel like I should adjust in my laidback non-political life. I'm political for a living. Not while at home.. Not on facebook or at wafflehouse. Not politically correct when I'm relaxing. Sorry...

Am I an ass?

#nowplaying:. My Band" D-12.

-CK

Promo.. showing love.

Hey yall, I don't promote the people I love enough in this blog. Last night I went to Poetry in Motion put on by my boy @DevineCarama. He's not only a friend but a DOPE emcee. Go to his website here listen to his music and enjoy. He's one of those rappers that make you wanna listen to what he's saying.. He's gotta Lupe/Tupac flow.

I got on the mic and did my poem entitled A Drunken Dream. I hadn't been on the mic since highschool. I was mad nervous but very liberated. I had been frustrated that day and expressing yourself is one of the best forms of therapy. Good stuff.

Ah yes.. and its the second Wednesday of the month you know what that means?! Black Girl Day!! I'll take this opportunity to say Peace to the memory of a black girl who has paved the way for many of us.. Mrs. Lena Horne. I was so bummed to hear of her death. Here's a vidy of her singing stormy weather.

Just a little promo. Watching Tyra.. this man has a vagina.. and I'mma throw up.

-CK

Generation Rushing

By no means am I an expert on this subject...

I feel like my generation is rushing into things. Every other day, someone's having a baby.. and 3 of the kids I graduated with have even gotten married! Now, we graduated 2 years ago in 2008 and the oldest of us is 20... Isn't this the time where we're supposed to be 'sowing our royal oats' in a sense? I'm not saying fucking everybody or anything like that, but I AM saying you have to discover yourself before you can make a commitment to someone else.. or hell, make someone else.

Take it from me, late teens and early twenties are a selfish people... We can get married and have babies all we want.. We're still selfish because we're young and thats what we're supposed to be. I see it especially among young mothers that are my peers. They still are going to act their age... which to me in turn causes their child to be neglected in a sense.

No disrespect intended at all to young mothers... Just saying that I see...

Young mothers still be in the club, going on road trips and shit (doing what young people do).. and where's ya child? At home with their grandmother, aunt.. or whomever.. Its not fair. My mother had me when she was way past 20.. and i'm so thankful. I feel like I'd resent her if my 3 year old self had to share her with her immaturity. There's a time for everything. I'll go as far to say that younger than 25 is NOT the time to have a child..

Not to mention your ass don't have a degree, job, money, a house... you know.. shit you need for a child. I'mma tell my children you don't have the RIGHT to have a child if you're still living in my house. At 50 or so I plan on traveling and shit... not fucking with my grandchildren... Man, my kids gon hate me...

And marriage... Not nearly as many of my peers are getting married as are having babies.. (which is some backwards ass shit) but to me, marriage is serious. I feel like if you wanna dress up and have a party, thats what prom is for. Don't get married because you like someone alot. What is love anyway? At 20, I'm  not the woman I'll be at 30.. you're not the man you'll be in hell, 5 years.. and our older selves might not be compatible so why make a vow to stay together until death? Hell, lets try to stay together until next week...

I have mad respect for people handling their buisness at this age... but by no means am i jealous.

What do yall think?


#nowplaying:. "Forever" Drake

-CK

In an effort to do better...

I know, I need to #dobetter.. The end of the semester just got a little hectic.. Plus tweeting all day takes away from my blog inspiration. So, as my readers... I feel like yall should hook me up with some topics you'd like me to 'go in on' as the kids say. Yes, my blog is by me and ultimately for me, but I do want you the reader to enjoy and get something out of it.. So.. what would you like to see me write about? Get at me on twitter @collegekidd.. or e-mail me if you not a tweeter... cagwilliamson@gmail.com

It has been brought to my attention that someone was offended by one of my blog posts. I live by the principle that if someone is upset or mad at me, I must be doing something right. I never come to my blog to intentionally start drama, I don't try to make people mad. But like I said its MY blog. Said person thought I was talking about them and in turn stopped talking to me... So I asked a mutual friend a few weeks ago and she told me asshole was offended by my blog.. Now, in said blog entry I was calling someone out for being wrong.. I feel like if you don't want to be called out for being wrong, don't be wrong!

Not to mention, I wasn't even talking about her. I mean... If I offend you, why not just come to me? Thats what I do, I just let you know, we cool, but you offended me and don't do it no more.. It really doesn't have to be that serious. We ain't gotta stop talking, fight, whatever.. Cause you probably weren't trying to offend me and wasn't even aware. To me it isn't that serious.. If she doesn't care enough about the friendship to come to me and talk it out. I guess I don't either. #kanyeshrug

Just a lil short blog for yall, what do yall think I should do? Talk to her? Don't even tell me to apologize, cause I don't know how to feel remorse.

IIght, yall.. Get to thinking about dem topics that you want me to go in on. <3

#nowplaying: "So High" John Legend..

-CK