In Pain.

Yall, I be honest... I'm feelin' kinda bummed. Well.. VERY bummed. I HOPE I can blame it on PMS later...

A hard lesson for me to learn is that people aren't going necessarily  to treat me how I think they should. The thing is.. I can have the highest standards in the world and make an effort to treat people as such.. but it don't mean I'mma get it back. So why do I keep treating muhfuckas so nice? Hell if I know... Well, I do know its because of who I am and whose I am. I've been called to treat people with love and if I stop, I'm not being me or who HE wants me to be...

That don't mean it won't be painful tho.

Not to brag, but if you have my love? You a lucky mofo... When it comes to those who are mine, the word "No" is seldom in my vocabulary. I always try to help out, or just be there if ya need some help... But what I realized last night is those same people who I treat with so much love are the LAST people I call on when I need anything.... I mean, I wish I could call on 'em, but I know that I'mma just be disappointed cause a muhfucka always got 3 excuses for why they can't help me out.

I ain't bitter. I'm just telling the truth.

And I'm not blaming anybody.... People show me how fickle, immature, insecure, selfish, and full of SHIT they are and I still expect them to treat me a certain way. It's my fault. I have to start acting accordingly. If you an asshole, I'mma treat you just like what your name tag says.

*sigh* It sucks bad, Its a buzzkill If I ever seen one. I didn't even pick up the bottle last night, yall. I'm frustrated as hell, I feel so defeated and I'm experiencing the worse kind of pain. It ain't physical at all.

Its crucial that I make some changes to how I act towards the people around me. It was so much easier when everyone got the deuces and I just kept it movin. Everyone's acting with their feelings at top priority... So why ain't I? My eyes are red and burning from all these tears I shed all night, and I'm sure the muhfucka(s) that I was upset about were sleeping very well.

I'm leaving all of October's pain in October.... Officially Over It.

Gonna share a portion of a poem later. It expresses my feelings way better.

Song of the Day:. "Good Mourning" India. Arie "Good morning independence or is it lonliness?"

-C