Control? Yes Please..
Hey yall. Figured I'd come at yall with a good topic today since I haven't in a minute. I know what I've promised you and I promise they're coming. Gotta marinate on them as I say.
Church, today I will be discussing my Control issues...
Now, my control issues have been a long time coming. My father's the biggest control freak I know. That is the ultimate reason why we don't get along. He passed it on to me and The Kidd will NOT be controlled. Now, he didn't raise me at all so maybe it is genetic.. But I don't have a psychology degree so.. I can't speak on it too much. I was raised around women that I love very much.. my mom, aunts, grandmothers, cousins... At some point, I became protective over all of them and I think my protective nature over women I love is directly related to why I'm such a control freak..
Now, I don't know WHY I became so protective over them, because in my generation. I'm on the younger half...
Also, I'm rather spoiled and especially in my (healthy) romantic relationships I'm drawn to women who'll take care of me. Much like a woman would take care of her husband or her son.. Yall, I really don't know how to take care of myself, I never had to learn, hell I don't want to. LOL... I gotta girl that texts me every morning and tells me to take my medicine, another that wakes me up from my naps, a friend of mine vacuums up my side of the room... Yall... even writing it I feel like a spoiled brat.. But yall know how I feel about the truth.
(At the same time, I don't recieve anything I'm not willing to give... not important right now tho)
Since my romantic life no longer exists... Lets speak in general.
Examples of me being a control freak? I don't like waitresses and waiters picking up my cup to refill it before they ASK me if I want a refill. A nigga can't just want ice? I don't like for my ciggarette or black to be lit up by someone else while in my mouth.. My homie pointed those two out to me.. Lets see what else... I wanna push my own floor button in the elevator... I don't like working in groups cause I wanna do all the work myself.. I have issues with the way people edit the shit that I write. LOL.. While I don't like driving, I don't like riding much either cause it makes me nervous when I'm not in control...
I'm a certified control freak if I ever seen one, and I don't get along with other control freaks... This girl got straight kicked out of my room for thinking she ran ANYTHING up in there. I wish I could tolerate it better, and I actually am making an effort to give up some control because I know that it will result in me being less stressed and what not..
I just wish I could explore the root of my fear of losing control so I can ultimately over come it.... Its interesting because until someone I loved told me that I had control issues, I really didn't even see it... But a nigga does like control and now I'll let anyone who's dealing with me in any capacity know I have control issues and its best if they don't eneable me.. LOL
Back to my romantic life for a minute...
When it comes to men? I feel more comfortable giving them control just because of the 'man-woman' roles.. but it still feels funny.... Now with women? I'm looking for someone who will let me be me (a control freak) but also someone I can submit to. I don't want anyone that I can walk all over. Thats no fun.. I need a woman that can tell me to straight up 'shut the fuck up' because if not? It wont be no fun for her.. and I don't wanna be resented.
My boy told me he got strong lesbian vibes from me and I think my dominant, protective nature translates into masculine thus giving people the misconception that I'm a lesbian and that dick isn't my top 10 favorite things... It is TRUST. LOL..
[[I like men because I can have sex with them and they not fall in love, (sorry ladies... yall can't do it) sometimes I just want to be sexed real good, and roll over and go to sleep. It ain't about being taken advantage of, to me its about being sexually liberated. Hard for us to see sex as JUST physical which is why I don't (can't) do it too often... Sometimes a nigga just needs a good workout and release and I don feel like giving myself the five finger discount very often, its crucial if I do that.. ]]
Anywho, I have a good lesbian friend who REFUSES to believe that I have dated, been in loved with and fucked men. Call me crazy but what lesbian can't understand someone's sexuality when hers goes totally against the norm?
Each day, I realize there are more people reading my daily words than I think. I just want to send some love to whoever's reading and let you know that my blog is like my therapy and I really appreciate if you read and enjoy. Don't hesitate to let me know... Special shout out to my #twittercrush... ;) Where my T-shirt at?
Yall need to check out Trey Songz's new video. I had 3 orgasms.
Song of the Day:. "Invented Sex" Trey Songz and "Pussy Control" Prince
2 fer 1!