Wednesday, September 16, 2009

So... are you a stud or a femme?

Its interesting how people like to put you in a category in order for themselves to be comfortable. I'm sure I'm guilty of it.. At the moment I can't think of an example... But I'll go 'head and blame myself to up my credibility ;)

So ever since I 'came out of the closet'.. such a white term as "sophisticated-social-justice" would say.. People have always asked about what category I'm in.. and I mean, for the whole 5 years I've been in these shoes... and I've NEVER been able to answer that question.

The category I mean is like... for white pople, lipstick lesbians or butches.. and for black people femmes or studs.. feel me? Lipsticks and Femmes are the more feminine and submissive.. Butches and Studs are the more masucline and dominant.

Its interesting to me that the gay community wants to be so liberated from heterosexual society but they constantly put themselves in 'man and woman' categories. What is this? Leave it to Beaver? Can 2 women be together and both have PMS? Can 2 men be together and both rock timbs?  (LOL... I'm ignant.. I know..)

Its also interesting how hetereosexual realationships don't even necessarily follow these rules. I observe plenty of people and how they play roles. When my mother was married? My dad ironed and dressed me... (The nigga taught me how to put on panty hose) and my mom made all the mulah and handled the money.. Granted she has an accounting degree.. but isn't it all a matter of circumstance?

People always asking a nigga "Carrie, are you a stud or a femme?" Or when I'm in a relationship.. I get "So who's the more dominant one?"

I hate these 2 questions and I'm sure I've given many a stank face or as we call it bobbi brownzzz to some1 for asking..

First of all, in refrence to my relationship question? Its really none of your business.. [[cause I know what you really asking.. ]] and if you have to ASK if I'm a stud or a femme, there's obviously a grey area that I exsist in.

Society has never ran me.

Personally, I think we're slaves to all these lables. Maybe because I still haven't found the lable to peel off and put on my forehead.. specially when it comes to sexuality. I guess if you looked at me you might lean towards the masculine side... but as "Tat" pointed out.. I do have french tips on my toes so there goes the stud lable.. I have a secret love for heels.. and I like girl underwear.. but I hate skirts and make-up. So.. there goes the femme lable.

As my "President" says "She's just [insert my government]"

All I can be is C. Willy, yall. I'm sorry that I can't be a 'girl' sorry I can't be a 'boi'. Well, I'm not really sorry but I was just looking for some dramatic affect (or effect?). LoL

In my past same-sex relationships, the girls always tried to be extra feminine so I'd just naturally be extra boyish cause I like everyone to feel comfortable.. My last girlfriend? She'd HATE when I had a 'feminine moment'.. when it'd be that time of the month and them cramps would bring me to my knees? She wouldn't know how to handle that shit.. I mean, I'd be in the bed in the fetal position and she'd be trying to make me feel guilty somehow... Looking back on it, she had some issues with her sexuality because she wanted me to fit this masculine mold that was impossible because of my uterus.. So, you'd think she was straight? But she'd... well, I don't wanna get graphic.. but the bitch wasn't straight.. LOL

My girlfriend before that? She was into the black gay world's 'stud-femme' phenomena.. I think its bullshit but she also treated me like a man and it made me sooo uncomfortable... She even called me 'papi' one time. I guess it was supposed to turn me on.. but typing it just now made me nauseous and light-headed.... Whoooo.. Idk why that shit irks my life.

So I've been in chill-mode for awhile.. Up until now? I had no romantic involvement in the '09. I knew it was time for me to look in the mirror and figure out who I was.. I have.. and the result? I'm Carrie.. its a full time job.. like I keep on saying!

For me personally, its all about balance yall. I'm not super masculine or feminine... I need someone who's going to let me be who I am in that moment.. Sometimes I want to kiss you on the forehead and smooth out them frustrated lines in ya face ('cause a nigga be worried) .... and sometimes I wanna bury my face between ya shoulder blades and absorb the pheremones. I need both. Is that too much to ask?

I'm an affectionate loving muthafucka when I wanna be. Everyone gets the forhead kiss from me... Someone remind me to do a blog about the forhead kiss.. cause that thang is a phenomenon yall.. But Its only to the people I love. I'm not going to waste my love on a basic-bitch who ain't worth it. Thats why plenty of people get the dueces...

I'm not an asshole.. just a good actress...

Wellp.. if this blog doesn't make sense to you? Sorry. But I'm not sober and I'm on auto-piolot cause I only sleep when I have time to.

Song of the Day:. "Trading Places" Usher


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