Went to therapy today.. Oh wait.. how rude of me. Hello world. I hate when people don't offer salutations. Hope everyone is having a good week.. and if you not, smack who ever's responsible for ya bad week, even if its yourself ;)
Anywho, i went to therapy today. It was good. I always mentally prepare myself for it. You know, go over the topics I wanna speak about.. but once I get on the couch, I kinda forget what I wanna say. Hmmm.. Don't know why. What'd we talk about? My love/hate relationship with alcohol, my hate-hate relationship with whats-her-face.. and my love/hate relationship with a very good friend of mine. I honestly think he's bringing me down yall.. but I just don't know how to say it. I don't even know where to begin. He manipulates me and certain situations so I'll stay in the box that he wants me in.
I hate it.
I told my therapist that I'm the free-spirit of my family. Among my cousins and siblings I'm the one with the dreads.. the tattoos.. the one that travels across the country alone.. I can't be held in a box. Only my own box.. and I don't have a box, cause I'm claustrophobic so.. I just don't like limits. Feel me? I need a friend who's gonna support my free-spirit-ness, I'll even go as far as to say that I need a free spirit to roll with me.. cause I love trying new thangs.. he don't ever want try nothing. Ugh.. makes me sick.
We also talked about why I'm not in a relationship. Apparently I'm still hurting from the relationship I just got out of. I would tell yall about that, but I want to keep it in the past. Just know I was took to the deepest depths of hell and back... I realize that I am still hurt. I still beat myself up for giving this poor excuse for a human into my heart and my body. It sucks real bad. I don't talk about it alot... But it bothers me. Bad. So yes, I'm still hurting and I'm in the midst of trying to find out just who Carrie is and what she wants/needs. I think I'mma list my relationship requirements just for my entertainment and your pity.. lol
Carrie's relationship requirements!! [1st edition. Volume 1. Issue 1. Part 1. Scene 1. lol.. ]
1. Confidence is key. I need someone who knows who they are and who they ain't. I need someone who won't change for me and who doesn't need me to tell them that they are the shiznit.
2. Nice teeth
3. Someone who needs their space as bad as I need mine.
4. "Loves music, loves art.. respects the spirit world and thinks with they heaaarrrttt." -India.Arie
5. A cuddler, who's very affectionate with their physical space and their words.
6. Someone I don't feel I don't gotta be cute around.
7. A nice ass.
8. Who's open-minded enough to go to a new club with me, try new food, listen to new music.. or just do something daring.
9. Someone who'll let me persue and romance them. I'm a nurturer. I need to be able to nurture.
10. Someone who talks and is open with their feelings. Communication is key!
Ten's a nice even numer. I could go on. Second edition coming soon. LOL
Well, what do yall think? Are my standards to high? Am I psycho? Am I OCD? Or am I so sane that you think you crazy? Let a nigga know.
-C
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