Lonely.

Hey hey...

Someone put a baroque channel on my pandora. How lame.. LOL

Anywho, been a pretty eventful weekend so far. Went to the Pink Drag Show on campus last night. It was the bomb! Shout outs to Vickie, JuJu, and Cory.. they were hott! Afterwards I went out with Asshole, Aaron and Dustin.. all whom have been mentioned in previous entries. We had a pretty good time. It was a lil warehouse party. BYOB, my friends the ladykillers were Djaying. They are the damn bomb!

I had 2 epiphanys last night..

wait.. do you spell the plural of epiphany with a -ys or -ies?

The first one happened as I was sitting outside the warehouse trying to cool off. I was smoking a ciggarette. I don't smoke those so I must've tapped into some hidden wisdom via the nicotine. I realized that people are sooo fake... and I don't mean just superficial.. I mean, we allow certain things about ourselves to define our personalities... and I will use myself as an example because it's very true that the things we hate in others are our own flaws as well. For example, just because I'm black, doesn't mean.. (lemme think of a stereotype...) I have to eat watermelon... or just because I'm 'gay' doesn't mean I have to dress like a dude.. I used to feel this way because of a chick I was with that was sooo into my 'masculinity' that really didn't exist. I was putting up a front for her... I lost myself for a minute. I had to realize that I was a WOMAN. I have 38DD's and I come on my period every month. I had to get a grip on reality.

I'm writing this because there are those very close to me that let things like their sexuality and relationships define them and it hurts because they're forcing themseleves to be something that they are not. I went into the friendships because of the things I like about them.. and now they are changing.. I don't take it as a personal insult.. I just want my friend back.. dig? I think thats why I feel kind of down today...

I just wanna be alone with my thoughts and feelings..

Ugh..

-C