Thursday, December 3, 2009

Proper Perspective

Whats up yall? I had a blast on my birthday. I'm so very blessed to have friends that made it a mission to make sure I was happy and having fun. They took me to a Mexican restraunt down the street then some sexi hombres sang feliz de cumpleanos to me! After that I drank mass amounts of bull frogs and did some other illegal activities. Good times with good people, my homie "social-justice" came through after work.. I really appreciated it. This was the best birthday I've had in yearsss and I'm not done celebratin'! Just gotta wait till finals is over and shit... I even got kissed by this girl that I been crushin' on... TWICE! Yea, I broke my no woman, no alcohol, no weed diet last night. It was my birthday, fuck yall. I'm back on it.

So, I'm really tryna stay on my grind for my finals and shit... I got like 4 places to be at once tomorrow. I'm kinda stressed, and I can tell cause my body is sore, my nerves are jumping again and my cough is coming back..... I be so glad when this semster is over. If my locs wasn't so cock-disel.. lol, they'd be pulled straight the fuck OUT!

My ex from a couple of semesters ago wished me a happy birthday. Her and I haven't talked in a year... and I like it that way..  She been textin' our mutual friend sayin' she thinks about me and stuff. I'm flattered but so not interested. She's drama and I ain't on it. I can tell I'm over her, cause I don't even dislike her.. I just have no feelings at all. Its weird.

I hate to feel that way about people but.... Idk it just happens... I can't control it, when I'm done, I'm done... and I don't want it to be that way.. but its like my body is like "Ok... expiration date is up on ya feelings for this person.. lets move on.." I guess thats fine.. Just gotta make room, I suppose...

Anywho, you ever feel a certain way and logic (and other people) tell you that you have no right to feel that way? My mother says there are no wrong emotions, but its still a battle.... and I know my feelings are important but I don't cater to them enough. I'm trying to do better, for example, I know that I have to tell people when they say stuff that makes me uncomfortable but I just feel like if its based on feelings, its not valid or important or something... I wanna tell people how I feel, I think... but I don't want to look weak.. and thats exactly how I think I look when I start talking about my feelings...

The last girl I dated (that jumped stupid last week) would get so frustrated with me. She was mad because I wouldn't just tell her my feelings, she had to ask. I tell people, I don't volunteer information about myself, and maybe thats not fair... but I cant wear my heart on my sleeve. I wanna appear strong, hell I AM strong. I wanna be the therapist like I been doin, but right now I feel like maybe I need to sit on somebody's brown couch.... how much yall charge? I got insurance! LOL

I'm fine tho. I'm happy. I recognize that its all just a learning experience... and I thank Yaweh for a Devine Proper Perspective.... I'm in a lil pain about stuff and I don't know exactly how to deal with it. This may sound weird but I'm embracing the pain.. it helps to be able to identify the feeling and the reason.. then you can look at it, ya know..?

 I've learned that time heals everything. Literally 8 days ago I was sittin in a parking lot crying my eyes out listening to Anthony Hamilton ("The Point of it All), now that same song comes on? And I'm fine...  maybe healing just takes a little longer the older you get. OMG, I'm 20!

Song of the Day:. "Harvest Song" Anthony Brown


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