Friday, January 8, 2010

Relationships: What I've learned in the past year.

Hello children, it is rare that I come to the ole dashboard with a purpose. Today I'mma talk about what I've learned in the past year regarding relationships. Now, I say that in my adult life I've never been in a serious relationship. Well, thats unfair to some people. Since last January, I've been in 2 semi-serious 'situations' and am in one right now. [All females.]

Now I do have the tendency to be in 'unofficial' serious relationships. Its the coward in me (and you) that makes me want to have all the benefits and not the actual G word. I haven't been someone's girlfriend since I was 15 and we all know that doesn't count. I don't think I'm good at relationships. But then again, I haven't had a chance to fuck up. LOL... I've dated alot, if you're reading and I've dated you, thanks for the life lesson ;) God loves you, I don't.

Things I've learned.... [in the context of romantic relationships]

-- The first few weeks is not a good indication of how you'll feel about each other. Newness excites us. That's fine. But it won't last. I'll show my true colors, you will to. Maybe resulting in us realizing that we aren't really for each other. Or us realizing that we are and trying to work it out. Either way... Lust and excitement can't be the top 10 reasons, it changes. You get tired. You get used to each other.

--We confuse potentially loving with actually loving. We say the L word to freely and too soon. I always do. I always know who I'm going to love and who I'm not. I've learned to say it when I mean it not when I see it happening eventually.

-- I've learned that if there's a problem, it needs to be brought up while calm. I don't argue. I shut down and ignore. I like to dicuss it, not yell, not scream. I say things I don't mean while riled up.

-- I've learned not to have serious conversations via text messages anymore. What are we 12? Lets talk face to face like grown ups.

-- You should talk wayy more than you fuck. Yall, I was fucking someone for 4 months and I realized I didn't even like her as a person. If I would've stopped (I did..) and realized some shit then I wouldn't have to keep punishing myself for letting her touch me... and it'd be WAYY easier for me to be touched today. It's not.

--I've learned that I'm my number one priority... and It's ALWAYS a problem. I can't see myself putting someone's well-being before my own. (My offspring, of course.. but they not here yet) and I think that women especially want to be a priority when it's frankly not anyone else's job. If I'm not comfortable with something going on, if I feel I'm being disrespected, I can't deal with it... I always feel like people are asking me to be ok with disrespect. My homeboy told me I was keeping bad company. He's probably right. I've learned to set standards for myself and to stick to them.

--I've learned not to sell anyone pipe dreams. I don't do well with monogamy. Especially if I don't think you're worth it. I like to date a lot of people. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. The boy knows I date others, I know he dates others. I don't believe in open-relationships. If I'm with you, I am. If I'm not, I'm not. No grey areas.

--Like Maya Angelou said, if someone shows you themselves? Believe them. We have the tendency to ignore the fact that people let us know EARLY who we are... and in realizing this, we can get out of a situation that we know is STILL not gonna be cool with us next week. Most let you know non-verbally who they are. I say it verbally. "I'm an asshole, I like sleeping, I'm a texter, I'mma flirt"... if any of that's a problem, I don't wanna waste your time.

--I've learned its very important to keep the 'spark' in your relationship. I know I get insecure about who I'm with not feeling me anymore.. or getting bored, ya know? I always make sure I let ya know you're a big deal.. and if you're not doing the same, you get cut from the team ;)

--To me, loving is as natural as breathing. I'm on a mission to find who I'm supposed to love. I've learned not to waste it on prototypes.

--I don't believe in fairytales. Nothing is forever. You're here now. You might not be next year, week or even tomorrow. I'll hurt if you leave (maybe). I'll move on too.

--I've learned not to mess with anyone else's girl. Cause I don't want anyone messing with mines. I haven't always followed that rule. It left me hurt. Cause they'll always go back to who they're originally with. If you think you're a fling? You probably are. I was (twice). 3's a crowd.

--In me being ok with being the third wheel, I've learned that there's some insecurity I have in myself. I'm working on it. In the mean time, everyone will be treated like a #jumpoff.

--I've learned that if I'm not happy with myself, it is impossible to be happy with anyone else. My home girl told me to be in tune with my star player. I've been unhappy and not in tune with this nigga for the past couple of months. Just now getting back into the swing of things.

--I've learned that just because you're older doesn't mean you're wiser or have any more ability to read and respect people. I've dated those my age, and much older. Maturity level isn't consistent with your number of years.

--I've learned that love isn't enough. I love cigarettes, I don't want lung cancer. Circumstances are just as, if not more important.

Alright, this is getting pretty long. Hope I provided someone with some insight. Again, I blog for me. I realize I write because I'm a bit uncomfortable with talking about it. At times, I don't see the point. I usually just don't trust people to take me seriously. I'm tired of hearing 'get over it'. Not always that easy.

This blog is subject to change.. nothing will be taken away, things will be added <3

Song of the Day:. "I used to love someone" Anthony Hamilton

-C

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