Thursday, January 28, 2010


Whats up yall?

I did a vlog, but I didn't like it.. so, I ain't postin' it.. I can't find my cord either..

So.. I'm trying to figure out when I got like this. Yall, I'm so emotionally detached from everyone. Like, she was on the fone crying last night cause i'm such an asshole and I really just didn't care. I don't want to be like that. Seems, inhumane... But its like I have no control over it. I've never been good at faking.. and at times when I get concerned about people maybe I have been faking in the past. For whatever reason, I can't do it anymore.

I mean, I'd say in the past year my emotional scale has changed. For example, when I went to see Seven Pounds with my girls they were boo-hooing and I was just sitting there.. Like "Ah well.." I mean, I cry in EVERY Will Smith movie... LOL... Its like there are moments when I know in the past I'd cry but the tears won't come, the emotion is absent.

Emotion isn't completely absent.. just the ones I'm known for feeling I suppose.. Like sympathy... I have none, for anyone. For one, I don't trust anyone to keep it 100 with me.... Idk why, yall. Lately people stay mad at me. They say I'm selfish.... Its draining when everyone's mad at you and you can't do anything about it. I don't wanna be withdrawn from society in general but lately, its easier to just be alone.

I know I have a wall up. Yesterday ex-husband said " want to care. But you stop to protect yourself" He hit the nail on the head. I've cared before and frankly it got stepped on. #in2010, I can't be worried about it. Part of me wants to change, part of me enjoys not being attached to anyone. Its easier not to be at risk for pain...

I realize I might be talking in circles, but hey... It's where I'm at now...

Song of the Day:. "I'd rather go blind" Etta Fitzgerald.


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