#shoutouts to Gmail

Because Gmail experienced some suspicious activity on my account, they closed my shit. So, now I'm at collegekidd.tumblr.com. Holla at a playa... oh.. follow me on twitter to @collegekidd

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The burden of a bisexual.

I don't really like to put a label on my sexuality... but for the sake of time and where I'm going with this, We'll call myself 'bisexual' today. I don't like it because there are many connotations to the word that just don't fit me. I never really said to myself 'hey, i like girls and boys'.... I never really made a decision about my sexuality.. It just was. I'm forced to address it because it doesn't meet the status quo. At times I wish I never woulda said anything, but the respect I get for being myself far outweighs any burden I may have. Also, I've helped many people come to terms with their own selves and it saves lives.. I know it saved mine.

Anywho, what I came to talk about was some of the stuff I've experienced because I'm "bisexual"...

Example 1: The Side Dip
For whatever reason, older women always do this to me.. I don't mean older like 40... I just mean older like 7 or 8 years my senior. Old enough to be my peer in some situations but still probably too old to be romantic with me. I entertain them anyway. Why? Well... hey... if you saw them you'd understand.

These women have boyfriends or in some cases husbands. Sometimes they hit me with the 'we're in an open relationship' speech or just straight up tell me they don't want hubby to know about me. Now, iIve been in a situation where the female told me that her dude was ok with her having 'girlfriends' and I really liked her so I lowered my standards to get next to her. Turned out to be the worse heartbreak of my life. Do I wanna talk about it? No.

The thing about it is, these women are probably closeted lesbians who have boyfriends 'cause... well for whatever reason... and want me to fufill their lesbian fix on the side.. Well, I'm not cut out for the side dip. Its funny 'cause when I let 'em know they kinda get upset

Translation:. "Why aren't you ok with me disrespecting you?"

One girl even told me I had issues with MY sexuality... She was the one with a mad boyfriend and a mad girlfriend... and I got issues.

The thing about open relationships is.. they aren't relationships at all. If you decide to be in a relationship with someone, then be in a relationship with someone. If you aren't satisfied, don't call it open. You're only wasting your time. Someone will get hurt, someone will get jealous, humans are programmed to be in pairs. Someone will be neglected, someone will be the third wheel. Everyone will end up alone.

Example 2: The Threesome
Yall already know where I'm going with this. I get asked to be apart of 3somes often. More and more lately for some reason... Its funny 'cause either the man or woman approaches me at first and it never fails always asks if i'm "JUST into girls.." I always smirk and tell the truth "Naw... I like boys too... " Then they try to ease their mate into the conversation. I entertain well, for entertainment. It's usually 2 very unattractive people that I wouldn't touch with your fingers...

I'm all about sexual liberation. Can't say that I haven't been in a menage a trois or two in my day..

But I don't wanna be the bisexual girl fantasy. I have too much to offer for that... and as I get older, I'm just not down with shit like I used to be...

Example 3: The Pressure not to tell the girl I like boys.. or vice versa. 
On the rare occasion that I do get serious with someone, I always don't wanna tell 'em I'm bisexual. Or whatever... People are insecure.. you know at times you have to cater to their insecurities... But hey, I figure if  you gonna be my dip, you can know I like both right? Its a part of me, granted a (bigger than) small part of me but its a part.

One female hated the fact that I liked guys. She literally wanted me to call myself a lesbian for her to feel better. I told her that if I wasn't satisfied with her, I was going to cheat regardless, even if I put the lesbian sticker on.. #kanyeshrug

Guys, well.. they never really get upset.... But then example 2 comes into play.. and I become 'the mate'

-----------

So, any of my other bisexual readers have that issue? My lesbian friends HATE when I talk about guys... My straight female friends, they don't seem to mind... they probably do, I guess. Hum...

I'm on a 24 hour twitter/fbook fast. So I can't promo this entry... yet.

#nowplaying:. "So Anxious" Genuwine

-CK

Interracial relationships: Why I can't adjust.

In a perfect wonderful world, love would be blind. I really want us to be able to love across gender and color lines. We can, but regardless, it'll be political. Why?

The world is not perfect.

I am not perfect.

That being said. The black man/white female relationship is very political.. regardless of if the two are genuinely in love. Any time a black person dates outside of their race (especially white tho) its political. I dunno how it is with other ethnicities. Wouldn't be surprised if there was controversy involved. The thing I realize the white woman who loves a black man has to deal with is the black females involved in said black male's life. His sisters, cousins, mother, sister, aunts, friends... A black man who's in a relationship with a white woman will always get flack from the black females in his life.. regardless of if she's around or not.

Church, I have two examples then I'mma get outta your way..

Example 1
My cousin (our grandmothers are sisters so we aren't that close) is married to a white woman. Yesterday I saw a spider. Deathly afraid of spiders. I screamed. My mommy killed it for me. We had a funeral for the spider.. Anyway... I put on my fbook that "I screamed like a #whitegirl" at the sight of the spider. My cousin's white wife commented and said "watch it with the white girl jokes.. "

For her sake, I hope she was joking.

The thing is, my cousin was the one who chose to date a white woman. I talk about white people. I can't adjust because of his relationship. Not going to.

Example 2
I just came from seeing "Nightmare on Elm Street" with some homies... I give it 2.5 stars. Friends and I went to waffle house good friend of mine from highschool is "engaged" to this white girl. I again said something about white girls and my friend said.... "Yo.. you can't say that... " Being the asshole I am I raised an eyebrow and said "Why not?"

Like I said, I COULD make an effort to do better.. but the whole defiant black woman mentality gets the best of me. By no means am I jealous. Both white women are fat and unattractive. One guy's my cousin, one's a closet case... But I just don't feel like I should adjust in my laidback non-political life. I'm political for a living. Not while at home.. Not on facebook or at wafflehouse. Not politically correct when I'm relaxing. Sorry...

Am I an ass?

#nowplaying:. My Band" D-12.

-CK

Promo.. showing love.

Hey yall, I don't promote the people I love enough in this blog. Last night I went to Poetry in Motion put on by my boy @DevineCarama. He's not only a friend but a DOPE emcee. Go to his website here listen to his music and enjoy. He's one of those rappers that make you wanna listen to what he's saying.. He's gotta Lupe/Tupac flow.

I got on the mic and did my poem entitled A Drunken Dream. I hadn't been on the mic since highschool. I was mad nervous but very liberated. I had been frustrated that day and expressing yourself is one of the best forms of therapy. Good stuff.

Ah yes.. and its the second Wednesday of the month you know what that means?! Black Girl Day!! I'll take this opportunity to say Peace to the memory of a black girl who has paved the way for many of us.. Mrs. Lena Horne. I was so bummed to hear of her death. Here's a vidy of her singing stormy weather.

Just a little promo. Watching Tyra.. this man has a vagina.. and I'mma throw up.

-CK

Generation Rushing

By no means am I an expert on this subject...

I feel like my generation is rushing into things. Every other day, someone's having a baby.. and 3 of the kids I graduated with have even gotten married! Now, we graduated 2 years ago in 2008 and the oldest of us is 20... Isn't this the time where we're supposed to be 'sowing our royal oats' in a sense? I'm not saying fucking everybody or anything like that, but I AM saying you have to discover yourself before you can make a commitment to someone else.. or hell, make someone else.

Take it from me, late teens and early twenties are a selfish people... We can get married and have babies all we want.. We're still selfish because we're young and thats what we're supposed to be. I see it especially among young mothers that are my peers. They still are going to act their age... which to me in turn causes their child to be neglected in a sense.

No disrespect intended at all to young mothers... Just saying that I see...

Young mothers still be in the club, going on road trips and shit (doing what young people do).. and where's ya child? At home with their grandmother, aunt.. or whomever.. Its not fair. My mother had me when she was way past 20.. and i'm so thankful. I feel like I'd resent her if my 3 year old self had to share her with her immaturity. There's a time for everything. I'll go as far to say that younger than 25 is NOT the time to have a child..

Not to mention your ass don't have a degree, job, money, a house... you know.. shit you need for a child. I'mma tell my children you don't have the RIGHT to have a child if you're still living in my house. At 50 or so I plan on traveling and shit... not fucking with my grandchildren... Man, my kids gon hate me...

And marriage... Not nearly as many of my peers are getting married as are having babies.. (which is some backwards ass shit) but to me, marriage is serious. I feel like if you wanna dress up and have a party, thats what prom is for. Don't get married because you like someone alot. What is love anyway? At 20, I'm  not the woman I'll be at 30.. you're not the man you'll be in hell, 5 years.. and our older selves might not be compatible so why make a vow to stay together until death? Hell, lets try to stay together until next week...

I have mad respect for people handling their buisness at this age... but by no means am i jealous.

What do yall think?


#nowplaying:. "Forever" Drake

-CK

In an effort to do better...

I know, I need to #dobetter.. The end of the semester just got a little hectic.. Plus tweeting all day takes away from my blog inspiration. So, as my readers... I feel like yall should hook me up with some topics you'd like me to 'go in on' as the kids say. Yes, my blog is by me and ultimately for me, but I do want you the reader to enjoy and get something out of it.. So.. what would you like to see me write about? Get at me on twitter @collegekidd.. or e-mail me if you not a tweeter... cagwilliamson@gmail.com

It has been brought to my attention that someone was offended by one of my blog posts. I live by the principle that if someone is upset or mad at me, I must be doing something right. I never come to my blog to intentionally start drama, I don't try to make people mad. But like I said its MY blog. Said person thought I was talking about them and in turn stopped talking to me... So I asked a mutual friend a few weeks ago and she told me asshole was offended by my blog.. Now, in said blog entry I was calling someone out for being wrong.. I feel like if you don't want to be called out for being wrong, don't be wrong!

Not to mention, I wasn't even talking about her. I mean... If I offend you, why not just come to me? Thats what I do, I just let you know, we cool, but you offended me and don't do it no more.. It really doesn't have to be that serious. We ain't gotta stop talking, fight, whatever.. Cause you probably weren't trying to offend me and wasn't even aware. To me it isn't that serious.. If she doesn't care enough about the friendship to come to me and talk it out. I guess I don't either. #kanyeshrug

Just a lil short blog for yall, what do yall think I should do? Talk to her? Don't even tell me to apologize, cause I don't know how to feel remorse.

IIght, yall.. Get to thinking about dem topics that you want me to go in on. <3

#nowplaying: "So High" John Legend..

-CK

Golden Pussy Syndrome

Whats up, yall? 

I went to see Midnight Star and EnVogue in concert last night. They were amazing! The best time I've had in awhile. I love live music and they're two of my favorite groups. EnVogue did an old school medley. I went INNNN! Then when Midnight Star did "No Parking on the Dance Floor"?? Maann! Hubby & I had a great time. 

Anywho, yall already know what I'm here for to clock the tea on these females. It all used to get to me, but its kinda funny now when I take the emotion out of a situation and look at things objectively. If you never take anything from my blog, take that. Take the emotion out of ANY situation and see if some special light isn't shed on it. 

Its funny how people who take advantage of you will try to convince you that they aren't taking advantage of you.. I told this girl she treated me like a plan B.. and she asked me why and I told her why then she was like 'you shouldn't feel that way'.. and i'm just like ok.. I give you evidence of why you treat me a certain way and all you have to say is that i shouldn't feel that way? Goes to show you know you're treating me that way and don't plan on stopping. 

Which is fine to be perfectly honest, but the thing about her is.. she wants to be put on a pedastal... but wants to treat me any old way. It just doesn't work like that. Yall, I tried to be ok with disrespect, I really did.. for months. But I just couldn't. I'm too big of a deal, too fine, too smart, too loving.. too.. alot of things. 

Women have the "Golden-Pussy Syndrome"... (before yall get mad, myself included) Its not a bad thing necessarily.. but it is irritating... it can be.  *sigh* getting my thoughts together while writing is so hard.. plus all this pakalolo I been smoking... 

Anywho, my point is women have a false sense of entitlement (men do, but its different and not as complex, I'll talk about it later... )  From the time we are little girls, we are told that we're princesses, queens of the world, run shit, whatever.. and some 30+ year old women think thats how it is. Nevermind the fact that you have to be intelligent, respectful.. what have you.. put on some tight jeans and a long weave in and you can get whatever you want. That mentality will be the death of us. Now, no one appreciates a nice looking well put together woman more than I do.. but there's gotta be more to you. 

Women think that they're womanhood will get them anywhere.. and with a lesser man than me? It might. I'm a natural pleaser.. and I'mma just do it regardless.. but damn, can I get treated nice to? A stigma of being a woman that loves women is that I can't deal with being treated like a man... You can treat a man any old way.. Long as you suck his dick, he's iight.. Now, by all means suck my dick.. but then you gotta treat me nice.. Damn.. 

I feel that my thoughts are scattered.. but oh well, you ain't gotta read.. 

Thats just one example of 'Golden Pussy Syndrome'.. the most typical one is of course throwing good pussy at someone and then expecting them to still respect you. Pussy doesn't equal respect... Matta fact, it might make me not respect you.. I intentionally try to fuck every girl the first time I chill with her just to see... Push me away, tell me no.. I like that shit.. Don't just throw it at me. 

People with a Pussy need to realize, Golden Pussy syndrome works best when you DON'T pull ya pussy out.. #justsayin. 

What do yall think? 

Song of the Day:. "Complicated Melody" 

#shoutouts to my lover @thewildseed.. follow her on twitter.. but not too closely, 'cause she all mine.. 

-C 

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Gay & Black. Not the same.

Morning, yall. I know it might not be morning when ya read, but its morning as I write.. and morning somewhere.. So a nigga is relevant..

Church, I came to blog about why gay rights are not like those of black rights. Why? you say would I blog about this? Because as a young activist, the two biggest groups I advocate for are queer folks and those of color... White gay men in particular think that just because they are gay they are 'down' or something... It is a big insult when (black) civil rights are put in the timeline of gay rights. Frankly, its not the same movement and not the same impact.

There have been a couple of instances on the yard where again a white gay man tries to make the word "Faggot" the same as "Nigger"... or compares the civil rights movements of black people to those of gay people. For one, being gay and being black isn't the same thing.

As a queer woman of color, black is who I am... 'gay' is who I happen to be boning at the time.

When I walk into a room, you see my chocolate skin, my locs, my booty, my lips, my nose.. you see a black woman. You do NOT see a gay woman. You can't cause well.. I can't gay.. lol.. and two, I can't wear my most intimate desires on my sleeve. Gay people have the privilege of hiding that they are gay if they want. It's a convenience as a black woman, I wish I had.

But on a larger scale, the histories of black people and gay people are different. Enslavement was a long time ago, but it still affects us and puts us as a people under white privilege, gay people haven't had to go through that. For one, gay people have been around forever and have their own clubs, tv networks, movies, all of fashion and culture in general. There's a place for gay people in society, a small place, but hell a place. You want a straight interior designer, or make-up artist? I think not..

Who do black people have? Al Sharpton and Tiny & Toya..

Gay people never had to drink out of different water fountains, use different bathrooms, go to the back door of a restraunt to get their food, sit on the back of a bus, or fight in wars for a country that sees them as 2/3s of a person. Frankly, gay people chose to be discriminated against because they chose to say they're gay. There are plenty of queer folk in the closet because they don't particularly wanna be discriminated against.

My point is, its very offensive when gay people try to jump on the nigga bandwagon because they want to be able to get married and adopt children.... Hell, its very offensive when ANYONE tries to jump on the nigga bandwagon. Why in HELL would you want to get married or have kids anyway?! LOL

Opinions?

Song:. "Mad" Neyo

-C

A Drunken Dream.. [poem]

Hey yall, here's a poem I wrote yesterday to keep from dying from boredom at this forum. Comments are welcome <3

A Drunken Dream…

In a drunken dream

you came to me

and in your beautiful brown eyes

I could see

Tears ‘cause of me…

told me you felt deceived

‘cause the lack of affection

you had received from me.

And in my sleep

I felt my heart-beat

speed

increase

I felt myself get upset ‘cause

to all of my affections

you are the object.

and I never wanna

see my face in your

tears reflect.

So upset I was pulled

out of my drunken dream

and as my sleep ceased

I realized the tears belonged to me…

© 2010.

On to the next...

I don't like blogging while mad... and Idk if mad is even an accurate word for how I feel... and the medicine might be the only reason I'm calm.. *sigh* Lets get right into it shall we?

For whatever reason.. (I have my theories) a lot of females have been getting at me this semester. I'm flattered... I promise I am.... I mean, no ugly girls either yall.. pretty brown girls with big booties beautiful smiles and jobs and shit... So... this blog is for any and everyone trying to win my affections... I'mma let yall know some very important facts...

IF you just want to fuck me? Don't come at me like you wanna date me... A physical relationship with me does not involve mind games. It involves you being honest, discrete and respectful. Let me know you want to fuck, why, how you like it and provide me with a copy of negative STD tests and we'll get going. But don't come at me like you want me to cuff you (is that the right term?) and then I hit it and you front me on the yard... You don't have to trick me into hitting that... To me, its just not that serious.

I'm hedonistic, and I love a good workout..

Second, require more of me. Please. I'm a dog... and if you don't require my respect? You won't get it. It's so attractive when a woman makes it hard for me. I want to pursue you.. I want to fail once or twice, makes it that much better when I win your affections. If I know I CAN hit it, I probably will and then I'll *yawn* and frankly be done..

Third, sexuality is a very sensitive subject and I understand that its not easy for brown girls to say they like girls too.. By no means do I want you to wear your sexuality on your sleeve, but if you want everyone to believe you gotta dick in your mouth, don't get at me... How am I supposed to feel if you're in my bed and I'm being fronted on the yard? I'm a dog but I got feelings too! I'm soooooo tempted to call people out sometimes... be like... "You can't speak? Did you not have a hand and mouthful of the Kidd last night?"

Just some things I've encountered yall... By no means have I shed tears or lost sleep over any of the scenarios above... I just wont be disrespected and again.. Won't be letting things slide. I tweet, blog and fbook about them.. but I confront them face to face too..  I see them all as training for who I'm really supposed to be with.. and if you don't think I already know who she is.. I do. #shoutouts to "Juliet" I'll be under your window tonight :)

Song of the Day: "Three Letter Word

-C

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It's NOT ok to be Fat.

Peace to you, my readers.. Its a beautiful day outside.. My fone says its 78 degrees, and there's not a cloud in the sky.. I got on flip flops, yall.

Anywho, I'mma talk about a little pop culture. We live in a very vain society where white and skinny is put on a pedastal.. Within the last few years.. women like Monique and Queen Latifah have tried to give us a more realistic view of what beauty is.. As a black woman that where's a size 16 pants, and has 38 DD's.. I appreciate it.. BUT.. Shit, I'm really trying to choose my words... Ok, fuck it..

Its not ok to be fat.

I always try to look at things objectively, especially when they directly affect me. I want to jump on this "Phat Girl" bandwagon, but I can't. Not when my cousin just lost his damn foot because of diabetes and my grandmother, God rest her soul.. Lost her whole damn leg.. The thing is, black people struggle with things like diabetes and hypertension, and while some of us will never be a size 6, we don't need to be a size 26, either.

Everyone's skeleton is relatively the same size... Meaning, we're made to carry a certain amount of weight... Put ten blocks of concrete in a car, see if your shocks ain't fucked all the way up.. Carry an extra 50 lbs and wonder why ya ankles hurt.

So, while I respect Monique and hold her at a high regard because as a brown girl with thighs, I could look to her as a role model, I don't think it should give us permission to eat.. NOT TO MENTION, Monique lost a lot of weight herself..

What are yall's thoughts?

#nowplaying:. "Spirit of God" Youthful Praise

-C

Whats a goon to a gobblin?

I know I know.. I been slacking... but you won't miss me if I write err day!

Church, today I'mma talk about hip-hop... more specifically rappers.. MC's... Now everybody's a rapper.. everybody gotta mix tape... for whatever reason I'm always being asked to listen to somebody's shit.. maybe cause i'm honest or a music aficionado.. either way.. I love rap music. I love words and I think they can be manipulated to be beautiful art.. but a beat and 16 bars does NOT make a song.

It just gets old, everyone's always rapping about the same thing, making money, getting pussy, hustlin... thats fine.. But isn't art supposed to be an imitation of life? Everyone's not doing that... I just feel like if you'd rap about day to day stuff people would identify better. I like music that I can dance to in the club, but what about when I'm on my way to a boring ass class ya know? Or something to wind down to after a long day? I can't wind down to the Wacka Flacka... ok.. Naw, I don't even like him and he will never get the honor of being on my iPod.. Ok, so I can't wind down to Wayne.. and I LOVE him.. "We Be Steady Mobbin'" is my SHITTTT!! But it always gets me hype!

The point I'm trying to make is I think that there's a time and place for everything.. and while "My Chick Bad" (Ludacris) is good, we need more Commons and Black Thoughts.. That rap about intellectual stuff or hell, even love. Everything sounds the same to me.

I just feel like we should get past 'getting money', 'whats a goon to a goblin', 'it aint trickin if you got it'... thats just not my reality.. and its fine if it is yours, but I see a lot of rappers rapping about that stuff when they're intellectual asses are in class with me. It all seems real fake to me.

"Man I promise,she so self conscious.... she has no idea what she doing in college... the major that she major in won't make no money.. but she won't drop out... her  parents'll look at her funny.."

Something I can totally relate to..

Whatchall think?

#nowplaying:. "Get Em High" Kanye and Talib

-C

Disrespect. Part 2?

Let me remove the cobwebs...

Hey yall, Its been a while but I just been spring breaking it. I had an epic St. Patty's day. Went over my white boy's crib.. played beer pong, we're undefeated, who wants us?! Wasn't hungover, thought I was going to be. Almost killed myself on a mint on the way over, but I got it together. Thanks to the Cane's fruit punch....

Anywho, lets talk about disrespect for a minute yall.... Now yall know the theme for 2010 is not to let things slide, right? Well, a friend of mine seems to lose my number unless she wants something. Her actions tell me she knows she's wrong but 'sorry' or 'i was wrong' or 'my bad' is not in her vocabulary. So... last week sometime she texts me of course asking for something.. Now church, I had previously texted her twice that week, not important shit.. but I coulda got a 'hi' back... Initially, I wasn't going to respond, but she put a smiley face after the message and it got under my skin for some reason. So, in the nicest way I knew expressed my disdain at her trying to take advantage of all this good friendship I've been offering with no reciprocity.... she (as she always does) dismissed my feelings.

But, my feelings weren't hurt, ya know? I have been asking God to deliver me from any control she had over my emotions and He did. I mean, I put my all too fast into friendships and I always feel hurt and disappointed. I thought she'd be a life long friend but the relief I have now that I could take her or leave her?

I might be about to sound cliche but I always want to help whoever's reading. My view of friendships has really changed since college... People are fickle, flakey, and fake. 97% of the time who you're dealing with is only going to have 15 minutes of spotlight in your life and they need to be treated as such. My problem is that I deal with people until their 27th minute when the expiration date on us was up long ago. I know I'm a good friend... and not everyone needs to be exposed to it.. for my own sanity.

Disrespectful situation #2 and on a lighter note... I didn't mean to preach to yall. LOL..

Men... If you want to chill with a young lady.. Do NOT text her at ten till midnight like its ten till noon and ask her what she's up to. This has happened to me twice this week from the SAME nigga.. I haven't responded to any of his texts and he still hasn't got the hint. Now, there's only so much I'll be up to that close to midnight and if its not sleep, you obviously weren't invited. I don't think men understand how wack they look at these desperate ass bed texts. If you want to chill with a girl, I'm pretty sure the cut off is around 7:45 pm.

Because of my lifestyle, I don't know why my standards of manhood are so traditional... But they are.. and even when I'm romantic with ladies, I hold myself to that same standard... why yall think I gotta harem?! #pow. Just playing ladies...

 Iight, off to enjoy my weekend, I suppose.

-C

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Happy Black Girl Day!

As If I don't talk about them enough... Lately I been being mean to yall, but I only talk about you 'cause I worship your footsteps. My twitter sister ('twister'?)  @sistertoldja got this day going.. Check it out here...

I'm going to talk about some black women who have been influential in my life...

First of all, lets talk about my momma.. She raised (who am I kidding? is raising) my brother and I by herself... She is honestly one of my best friends. I talk to her everyday about school and she talks to me everyday about work... She's the biggest influence of my life and taught me a long time ago that I will never need a man or anyone else to validate who I am. She's the reason that I got perms and the reason that I never will put a chemical in my head again. She was the first woman in our family to go natural when I was 8 or 9.. and since I wanted to be just like her, I did too. I'm so thankful she showed me that the kinky thick ass hair that grew outta my head was beautiful. She blessed me with my good looks and my temper ;) Now if only I could convince her to be on my reality TV show...

Under the umbrella of my mother's influence is her older sisters. My aunties!! Those are some special friends for real yall. My aunt has her PhD in social work and raised my cousin (one of the greatest men I know.. who has his masters in engineering) my herself. She's the reason I know I gotta get a degree in SOMETHING. Again, taught me that I don't need a man to be happy and that everything might not necessarily go as planned but life goes on...

Oh black women.. I just get full talking about you.. and I haven't even got to those who aren't related to me yet... 

Some famous black women that have inspired me are... 

Maya Angelou... her poetry brings me to tears.. As a sophomore reading her book "Caged Bird" my life changed. I haven't been the same since. She's coming to my city next month. If I get to see her, I'll faint. LOL

Monique... yes, she's a bit ignant. But looking at her success helps thick black girls like me know that we don't have to be skinny or light to be successful. 

Jill Scott... her lyrics show that you don't have to be trashy to enjoy sex. Half the people don't even know she's talking about getting it from the back in her song "Epiphany"

"Flip side, stomach meets sheets.. and he plows inside as if he's making beats... "

I love black women so much, some times I don't even realize I am one ;)

I'm hungry and I need to clean a bit so I'm wrapping it up.... From your thighs, to your eyes... black women.. I worship you... <3

Song of the Day:. "Epiphany" Jill Scott

-C 

Do I EVER stop talking about women?

Its been awhile since I've blogged. Sorry, loves. Life is busy. Never too busy for you tho...

Things have been happening. Its funny how life works... I will never proclaim to be good at dealing with people, especially in a romantic way, but I will say that I've learned a lot in the past couple of months... about females especially. For one, they'll always try to make you prove yourself to them... which on some level is necessary, because we all do it.. but they'll let you know they don't fucking believe what you say. Also, they'll talk to you about all of their problems if they truly dig you or trust you. Its cute, but stressful at times, cause honestly, I don't always know what the fuck to say.

I'm not sensitive so I know I can't be explicit in my advice or what have you.. and a lotta times they just want ya ear.. Don't even want your opinion, which is fine.. cause I don't enjoy giving it.. at all. I find that my opinion is always.. to take the emotion out of the situation and look at it objectively. But my emotions are broke so... I can't tell a species who's oxygen is emotion to not use it.. lol. *sings* "Tell me how i'm 'posed to breaf with no ayyyaaa!"

I'm talking like I've been dealing with 20+ women.. lol, I haven't. Which is something else I've learned about myself. I won't go as far to say I'm a "one woman man" but I have really decreased the people I'm romantically involved with very recently. Before the start of this year, I was always talking to 2 or 3 people at a time. Still don't see the point of monogamy.. but I feel like I just want to focus on one person, ya know? Maybe I've just found the person who's enuff for me...

I'm just trying to enlighten yall and give yall my perspective... 'cause I know those of us who love women go through a lotta SHIT. I'm not all wise or all knowing.. Its all fluid. I know that I'm a woman and I'm happy and ok with it.. My emotional habits just aren't consistent with those that I deal with... and men, if you weren't so fucking simple, I'd talk about yall more..

Song of the Day:. "Can I Come Over" Aaliyah. <3 #pandora.

-C

A poem.

A poem since I haven't in many moons.. It's called "I have a wall Built up..." All capitalizaions, spellings are correct.. i'm on my e.e Cummings...

The Burden
of this wall around my heart
Stops this new love from
its start.
An apology may be in order
'cause you can't cross this
Boarder.
I've worked to hard on protecting
my love...
Past lovers built this wall
of heartache
with bricks of insecurity
selfishness and disloyalty
I want to be able
to love you, -but
this wall is impossible
to get thru...
So with time maybe
you can climb
and dwell
between the space with me
among the wall and
my heart-beat.

-C