Saturday, May 15, 2010

The burden of a bisexual.

I don't really like to put a label on my sexuality... but for the sake of time and where I'm going with this, We'll call myself 'bisexual' today. I don't like it because there are many connotations to the word that just don't fit me. I never really said to myself 'hey, i like girls and boys'.... I never really made a decision about my sexuality.. It just was. I'm forced to address it because it doesn't meet the status quo. At times I wish I never woulda said anything, but the respect I get for being myself far outweighs any burden I may have. Also, I've helped many people come to terms with their own selves and it saves lives.. I know it saved mine.

Anywho, what I came to talk about was some of the stuff I've experienced because I'm "bisexual"...

Example 1: The Side Dip
For whatever reason, older women always do this to me.. I don't mean older like 40... I just mean older like 7 or 8 years my senior. Old enough to be my peer in some situations but still probably too old to be romantic with me. I entertain them anyway. Why? Well... hey... if you saw them you'd understand.

These women have boyfriends or in some cases husbands. Sometimes they hit me with the 'we're in an open relationship' speech or just straight up tell me they don't want hubby to know about me. Now, iIve been in a situation where the female told me that her dude was ok with her having 'girlfriends' and I really liked her so I lowered my standards to get next to her. Turned out to be the worse heartbreak of my life. Do I wanna talk about it? No.

The thing about it is, these women are probably closeted lesbians who have boyfriends 'cause... well for whatever reason... and want me to fufill their lesbian fix on the side.. Well, I'm not cut out for the side dip. Its funny 'cause when I let 'em know they kinda get upset

Translation:. "Why aren't you ok with me disrespecting you?"

One girl even told me I had issues with MY sexuality... She was the one with a mad boyfriend and a mad girlfriend... and I got issues.

The thing about open relationships is.. they aren't relationships at all. If you decide to be in a relationship with someone, then be in a relationship with someone. If you aren't satisfied, don't call it open. You're only wasting your time. Someone will get hurt, someone will get jealous, humans are programmed to be in pairs. Someone will be neglected, someone will be the third wheel. Everyone will end up alone.

Example 2: The Threesome
Yall already know where I'm going with this. I get asked to be apart of 3somes often. More and more lately for some reason... Its funny 'cause either the man or woman approaches me at first and it never fails always asks if i'm "JUST into girls.." I always smirk and tell the truth "Naw... I like boys too... " Then they try to ease their mate into the conversation. I entertain well, for entertainment. It's usually 2 very unattractive people that I wouldn't touch with your fingers...

I'm all about sexual liberation. Can't say that I haven't been in a menage a trois or two in my day..

But I don't wanna be the bisexual girl fantasy. I have too much to offer for that... and as I get older, I'm just not down with shit like I used to be...

Example 3: The Pressure not to tell the girl I like boys.. or vice versa. 
On the rare occasion that I do get serious with someone, I always don't wanna tell 'em I'm bisexual. Or whatever... People are insecure.. you know at times you have to cater to their insecurities... But hey, I figure if  you gonna be my dip, you can know I like both right? Its a part of me, granted a (bigger than) small part of me but its a part.

One female hated the fact that I liked guys. She literally wanted me to call myself a lesbian for her to feel better. I told her that if I wasn't satisfied with her, I was going to cheat regardless, even if I put the lesbian sticker on.. #kanyeshrug

Guys, well.. they never really get upset.... But then example 2 comes into play.. and I become 'the mate'


So, any of my other bisexual readers have that issue? My lesbian friends HATE when I talk about guys... My straight female friends, they don't seem to mind... they probably do, I guess. Hum...

I'm on a 24 hour twitter/fbook fast. So I can't promo this entry... yet.

#nowplaying:. "So Anxious" Genuwine


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