*Listening to Detrick Haddon's "Take Rest"; beautiful deep song. It should be every Christian's prayer at some point.

Anywho... It's BABA week on campus. It means Body Awareness, Body Appreciation. Just got back from a "Body Groove" session with The Misty Tripoli. It was fun. [www.mistytripoli.com]. Check her out on facebook too. She's a character. Rather sexy if i'm totally honest. She could get it.. and I don't deep in vanilla too often. LOL.

So... hmm what'd I talk about yesterday? Dag.. I feel so unprepared for this blog. Not exactly sure what I want to write about. So many deep thoughts surfaced during the session. For example:

What if we loved ourselves like we wanted someone else to love us?
I mean to me it seems like we base our self-love on someone else. I think thats crazy. Katt Williams was getting somewhere when he said "It's the esteem of your motha-fukin SELF!" Hilarious.. but VERY true. Just because someone treats you less than ideal, doesn't mean thats how you should see yourself because they aren't looking at you through YOUR eyes and vice versa. I think we all need to make up our minds that we love ourselves regardless of how ANYONE treats us.. to include even our closest family members and "friends". My dad treats me like shit. But I'm not going to use that as a crutch my whole life. So many times I see females especially taking out the lack of love they had from their dad on someone. I say ''fuck 'em'' its his loss cause his daughter is the bomb.

Most of my hostility on this subject doesn't come from being the punching bag.. it comes from being the "puncher".. I mean, not that I intentionally treat people bad.. it's just that people always take me through a guilt-trip and it makes me mad. I have 2 public service announcements to make.. Carrie is not capable of feeling guilt very often. You.. whoever you are are NOT Carrie's priority. If you are blessed enough for me to call you a friend, I will TRY to be the best friend I can be.. But at the end of the day it's about Carrie. Yes.. I'm on that Mya status.. "It's all about me.. me.. me.. me.. me"

I'm comfortable in my selfish-ness. I embrace it. No one's going to make Carrie the priority. It ain't in your job discription. The number one person responsible for Carrie's well-being is... you guessed it Carrie. The same goes for you. I don't know why insecure, self-hating people are drawn to me... I'm friggin tired of it, damnit!

"The key to simplicity is being at peace with your complexity."

Karma King coming soon..

-Carrie